{Survivor}

I am reminded tonight of a time in my life when I was nearly completely dependent upon someone else...because I allowed them (unknowingly) to control my every move. Looking back....by right, I should not even be here, alive today to write this blog.

As a young (impressionable) 17-19 year old, with low self-esteem and who'd lived virtually a sheltered life....I knew nothing of domestic violence. Nothing. At. All. As serious as this subject is, shouldn't we be talking about it  more? Shouldn't we educate not only our young women....but the young men as well? 

There are so many forms of domestic violence. Immediately when one thinks of it, the first thing that comes to mind is physical abuse. Certainly, I endured that. On a very daily basis. When you have knife held to your throat....you see your life flash before you. I. Should. NOT. Be. Here. Today. Period. When you are virtually held captive...followed everywhere you go.....you fear for your life, daily. No one should have to live like this. Ever. No One. 

How about the mental and emotional abuse? Yeah, you guessed it. That too. Not ever being good enough...no matter what or how hard you tried....yeah, it sucks. Self-esteem? There. Is. None.

Sexual Abuse. No is No, right? Never to the abuser. 

The list goes on. I was stalked. How about that? Scary feeling, even after you are finally able to leave, to be stalked. What good is a restraining order? I mean seriously? Even the police barely take it seriously. I carried that crumpled up yellow piece of paper with me EVERYWHERE for many, many years. I think I finally gave up on the piece of paper and threw it out. (I'd still recommend getting one with all this being said.) The restraining order does NOT take away the fear.

Time heals. Prayer heals. Sharing- oh my God- sharing and being vulnerable heals. I've cried many tears, asked why many times. Blamed God and everyone else. Seek support, seek counseling. Most of all...Love yourself FIRST before anyone else. 

The trauma I've endured, the pain, the hurt, the anger, the fear....NO ONE should have to go through with that ever. I've been a survivor for 19 years now. Senior in high school, abused by her "ever-so-loving" boyfriend. 

Let's talk more about this, share more about this, cry more about this. Push for more stringent laws and sentences. It. Is. Serious. People - women, men and children- die from this DAILY. Why is it such the taboo subject? 

Wishing you healing, love, and true joy and happiness. You are a survivor. You will heal. You will make it. One day at at time.