....Silence....

......Before I had a child, I could not stand the silence. Anytime I was alone, there would be some sort of background noise.....typically a television on.....to drown out the silence. Then, I became a mother.....

Several years into motherhood, I discovered the joy of silence. Not that I disliked the "noise" of a child....I in fact loved it. But I grew up and realised how much you can hear in an hour or two of silence. Just being still.....no background noise.....just yourself and your thoughts.......or sometimes not even your thoughts if you are able to turn them off.

I learned that in that time of silence and stillness I could hear the most important thoughts...I am able to discover the most creative ideas in that time of silence. Being still, being silent and listening....you hear more than you could ever possibly hear in the midst of all that noise. No distractions.

So listen to the silence.

-Loss and Regrets.-

I'd venture to guess most of us have regrets in life. 

This holiday weekend I received news of the passing of a dear Italian friend and, while not related by blood, extended family member. I knew of his illness and I took it in strides...knowing his days were numbered. Receiving the news of his death via email...it took some time to process it. Yes, he was in his upper 70's and had lived a good life. But death is death. Especially when I'd hoped to see him again. 

It was always "next year, next year." It's too expensive to go to Italy this year. I know I really want to see my friends that I haven't seen in two decades, I know some of my extended family members are getting older....but we have time.  I'll go next year. For sure. It's been six years, and I still haven't gone back to see my blood-related cousins in Palermo. It's been 22 years since I've been back to the Brindisi area in Italy to see my old friends in which I consider family. Time. Waits. For No One. 

Yes, I have regrets. And now I have to come to a peace within myself of knowing I didn't get to see him again...because as we say in Italy..."Domani. I'll go domani." 

Tomorrow came....and so did his last breaths. My heart aches for the family....we were all so very close. My heart hurts knowing I didn't get to say goodbye. I remember the good times, cooking in the kitchen, holidays spent together. A bond that cannot be explained. Cultures coming together, sharing their lives and families, learning from one another. 

Do what you can today. Don't keep putting it off. 

*Resolutions or Nah?*

As the calendar turns to a new year,  are busy not only preparing themselves for the evening's festivities but they are also making their new year's resolutions.

I, for one, don't make them. New Years resolutions, that is. I believe in many cases these hastily made resolutions are a set up for disappointment and failure. "I'll begin to diet today." "I'll start going to the gym today." 

How is it that by simply making these declarations at midnight on new years eve are these resolutions to become a reality? Determination, goal-planning both make it work. And why wait until a new year to set a goal? Why not begin right away? What motivates us to make these resolutions?

I have on-going goals (resolutions if you must) that I make and work on throughout the year. I set them, write them out, share them with a select few and find someone who will hold me accountable to these goals.  You need someone who will not only hold you accountable but who will encourage you as well. Partner up with someone who is positive, someone who has successfully accomplished what you wish to accomplish.

Think your goals through. Make them realistic. Write them down in as much detail as possible. Envision the steps, the process, the end results. Think about this often. Submerse yourself in it.

Enjoy each step along the way. You may become frustrated; that's okay. You may become discouraged when it seems it isn't coming together quite as planned or fast enough. Keep going. Don't give up. Even small steps will eventually get you to where you want to be. Have patience! (Not a great strength for me! Admittedly!) 

New Years resolutions tend to be made in haste, when the clock is chiming midnight. They are not necessarily well thought out, though they are well-intended ideas, they are short-lived ideas. Don't wait until the clock chimes, the confetti falls, begin now. Jump right in.

Unlimited.

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend. One of those new-age conversations, where you don't really talk..........talk.....you know, when you hear each other's voices....but the electronic sort. Surprisingly, it wasn't even a conversation about our mutual passion of photography....it began with music and somehow at some point, a message popped up that said something like, "You write?" In which I promptly responded, "Yes. I write." Or something like that. In essence - the conversation became less about writing and more about talents and gifts and the limits we place upon ourselves.

It got me to thinking. What limitations am I placing on myself? We all limit ourselves to some degree, whether we think we do or not.

Fear. Lack of Funds. Lack of guidance. Fear. Comfort. 

When we are too comfortable, we limit ourselves.

When we are fearful, we limit ourselves. 

When we lack the guidance on how to achieve our dreams, we limit ourselves.

So how do we overcome these limitations? How do we live a limitless life?

Fear is natural. There is nothing wrong with a little fear. It's when we allow it to hold us back...when we allow it to stifle our dreams and creativity it becomes a problem. I admit, I've allowed fear to hold me back. Fear of the unknown, fear of failing.  Admittedly to some (large) degree, I like things mapped out for me. I like to have a plan. Yes. The plan can change, but there has to be some sort of plan. And I have had a fear of failing...what if it doesn't work out? What will I do then? But not trying is the biggest failure of all.

I hate asking for help. And that has limited me in so many ways. While I am (slightly) better at it now, it still hinders me greatly. Asking for help and guidance can un-limit you; it can remove some of that fear...that lack of knowledge in how to get to that dream. It can help remove some of the doubt, some of the insecurities.

I truly sleep, eat, and breathe photography. I've had a camera in my hand since I was in elementary school. I have taken thousands - probably millions at this point- of photographs. I've been pursuing it for over 14 years, now, but it wasn't until 3 or 4 years ago when I seriously began putting my ALL into it. It was then that I stopped comparing my work to others, I stopped being insecure about my work and I began to network, meet other phenomenal photographers and (very slowly) began asking questions, asking for input....and just shooting. Being insecure about my work held me back...being insecure about myself held me back even more. Fear held me back.

I write. But many don't know this. Oh, they know I write for digital magazines, it's all over my social media pages. But they don't know I write anything else. Not many do. Why? Because I am insecure about what I write. I don't think it's good enough. There again I limit myself. I am afraid.....crazy, huh? I criticize myself harshly. Perfection is not a positive trait.

I limit myself. No one else. Just me. But with a new year approaching, I am ready to be Limitless. To push my boundaries more. To really really pursue what I love. All the time. I am ready to take that leap into the unknown...and I know it will all work out (somehow, gasp!) Because it has so far.

-Experiences.

I had a conversation with a friend today - while it was meant to uplift them, it uplifted me as well. Dealing with depression and anxiety seems like a never-ending battle. But I can promise it's not.

This conversation made me think and realise that all of life's experiences  make us who we are. Whether they are positive or negative, good or bad...they form us. And it's our task to use them for good, for growth.

I think about some of my life's experiences: growing up overseas and having a cultural experience that not many are fortunate to have and how that has molded me and formed who I am today. My thoughts, my beliefs, my values. My first "serious"relationship as an 18-year-old with a guy who beat my ass every day.....and how I overcame it and can share and encourage others who may be going through a similar situation. I think about how I've dealt with depression and anxiety and panic attacks, many times over. Stubbornly not accepting the aid of anti-depressants but combatting it on my own, with therapy and lots of ups and downs....a whole lot of downs.

I realise that despite it all, I would not change a thing. These life experiences have made me who I am today. They've made me stronger, wiser. And if sharing helps just one person, it was all worth it. I am alive and a conquerer.

-That one outfit.

Ladies, what is that one dress, that one pair of jeans that just makes you feel beautiful...more beautiful than you already are? That one outfit that makes you feel sexy? What is that one outfit that makes you feel happy when you wake up early in the morning, grumpy, not yet ready to face the day but then you put it on and you feel like you can take on the world?

I have that one dress. Every time I wear it I feel extra-beautiful. I could be crying one moment and then put it on and I feel free! Happy. Beautiful. Gorgeously sexy. Match it with my black platform high heels and I know I am unstoppable!

So what outfit does it for you? Keep it handy. Wear it. Often.

Cereal...but no milk?

That moment when: you reach for that box of cereal (in my case the store-brand strawberry mini-wheats) and a bowl...open the fridge and discover....well, damn! There's no milk. Not even a tiny hint of milk...anywhere in the fridge. Standing there, door wide open, staring, looking, hoping, wishing a gallon (hell, even a half a gallon) of milk would magically appear.

Yes. I said "Magically appear." I tried to wish that milk into existence. Too late and too tired to leave the house. This is when you need milk (or grocery) delivery. When you desperately want cereal....and milk...but are too lazy to drive 10 minutes to get some. 

See, I rarely eat cereal and I don't drink milk, so I don't keep up on that inventory. You gotta tell me. "Mom! We have no milk!" But my son eats cereal without milk (Who does this? Seriously?! Dry cereal? In a bowl - with a spoon even!) 

Sadly, all my wishing and hoping....and the milk never magically appeared. I never got my cereal tonight...and this, my readers, makes me sad. 

The dilemma continues. I gotta get some milk.