Unlimited.

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend. One of those new-age conversations, where you don't really talk..........talk.....you know, when you hear each other's voices....but the electronic sort. Surprisingly, it wasn't even a conversation about our mutual passion of photography....it began with music and somehow at some point, a message popped up that said something like, "You write?" In which I promptly responded, "Yes. I write." Or something like that. In essence - the conversation became less about writing and more about talents and gifts and the limits we place upon ourselves.

It got me to thinking. What limitations am I placing on myself? We all limit ourselves to some degree, whether we think we do or not.

Fear. Lack of Funds. Lack of guidance. Fear. Comfort. 

When we are too comfortable, we limit ourselves.

When we are fearful, we limit ourselves. 

When we lack the guidance on how to achieve our dreams, we limit ourselves.

So how do we overcome these limitations? How do we live a limitless life?

Fear is natural. There is nothing wrong with a little fear. It's when we allow it to hold us back...when we allow it to stifle our dreams and creativity it becomes a problem. I admit, I've allowed fear to hold me back. Fear of the unknown, fear of failing.  Admittedly to some (large) degree, I like things mapped out for me. I like to have a plan. Yes. The plan can change, but there has to be some sort of plan. And I have had a fear of failing...what if it doesn't work out? What will I do then? But not trying is the biggest failure of all.

I hate asking for help. And that has limited me in so many ways. While I am (slightly) better at it now, it still hinders me greatly. Asking for help and guidance can un-limit you; it can remove some of that fear...that lack of knowledge in how to get to that dream. It can help remove some of the doubt, some of the insecurities.

I truly sleep, eat, and breathe photography. I've had a camera in my hand since I was in elementary school. I have taken thousands - probably millions at this point- of photographs. I've been pursuing it for over 14 years, now, but it wasn't until 3 or 4 years ago when I seriously began putting my ALL into it. It was then that I stopped comparing my work to others, I stopped being insecure about my work and I began to network, meet other phenomenal photographers and (very slowly) began asking questions, asking for input....and just shooting. Being insecure about my work held me back...being insecure about myself held me back even more. Fear held me back.

I write. But many don't know this. Oh, they know I write for digital magazines, it's all over my social media pages. But they don't know I write anything else. Not many do. Why? Because I am insecure about what I write. I don't think it's good enough. There again I limit myself. I am afraid.....crazy, huh? I criticize myself harshly. Perfection is not a positive trait.

I limit myself. No one else. Just me. But with a new year approaching, I am ready to be Limitless. To push my boundaries more. To really really pursue what I love. All the time. I am ready to take that leap into the unknown...and I know it will all work out (somehow, gasp!) Because it has so far.

You Cannot Steal My Joy.

I have never felt the need to cry so much over a move at work.....my "pretend job" as I call it. It's not what I was called to do....I've fulfilled my time and my purpose...I am ready to move on and pursue my passion. But tonight, as this new change comes upon me.....right before my set date/goal to leave...I can't help but mourn this move.

It makes me angry when others try and make you miserable because you are happy......It makes me angry when others just feel the need to f*ck with you, just because....If others wanna be miserable, why can't they be miserable alone? Why try and drag others who are trying to make the best of a sorry situation, who come to work, do their job and still have fun.....despite the madness.....by now, after nearly 13 years, I should know......play the game.....chess moves.....strategize....always keep ahead....they hate it when you get along with someone. Act like you hate each other. But I am just not that way: either I like you or I don't. I am not gonna fake it, either way.

What I can't believe is that I am actually shedding tears over this nonsense. But I am just tired. And impatient for the next steps in my life that will take me out of this situation. I am sad because I have the most awesome-est officemate/friend...ever. One that gets me, one that pushes me on a daily basis to be a better me, one that holds me accountable. In the year, nearly, that we have been officemates, I have grown so much and learned so much about me.

I know bigger and better things are on the horizon, they are within my reach. I have to keep moving, keep focused, keep pressing forward and not allow anyone or anything to convince me otherwise.
I will build my own bubble in my new office space....keep out all the drama and negativity and jealousy out of my space and more importantly my mind and my spirit.

No one can take away what I have. They may think by moving me that they win, again. But once again, I will prove them otherwise. Truly, I am not the one. If they think by moving me, they can steal my joy and focus, they have another thing coming.

I will weather this upcoming storm.....but for now, I remain in mourning of my dear officemate and friend...whom I will see but not have the chance to talk to like once before. All eyes are on us. We. Shall. Shine. No matter what.

Learning to Shift.

Tackling new things already on this first day of *2014.* Learning to shift. This could be applied to not just learning to drive a manual transmission but to life as well.

I made my first solo run today in my 1969 Volkswagen Type III Square Back, lovingly named Penelope. A somewhat nail-biting experience as I stalled out not once but twice with a car behind me, on a hill, rolling backwards! But the confidence level I had while driving her today was amazing! I was doing it!

The thing with driving a manual transmission car is that you have to be in tuned to the cues from the engine and know when to shift. Just as in life...one has to pay attention to what is going on around them and know when to shift, when to make that change, so that everything is back in balance. It's a dance of sorts. Clutch in + brake pedal to stop. Clutch in, foot off gas pedal to change gears. It's rhythm, a dance...it all works together to keep things in balance, to keep things moving forward in a healthy manner.

The same principle can be applied to life. Listen closely for when things are out of balance, they are telling you it's time to shift gears.

{Another Untitled...Random Thoughts.}

...Separation.......Distancing myself from what I knew. 

Taking a different path. Switching directions. Slowly. New Things are coming.

Sadness and sorrow. Are Gone. New birth. New Life. New Direction.

New Path. New Goals. New creations. 

..New Beginnings.

As an Air Force Brat, for the first 18 years of my life, I did nothing but move, on average every four years. As a child, I didn't really appreciate it....I mean who wanted to make new friends with each move. But let me tell you this: With each move and each unpacking, it was like an extra Christmas. Not that you didn't know what was packed when you left.......but opening those boxes...wow! New beginnings! New house. New base! Completely Awesome! Right. Always the excitement, despite not appreciating the lifestyle as a child.

As a BRAT, I find it a challenge to stay in any one location for very long. I find I get bored quite easily. Okay, after a few years, been there done, that...what's next? 

The urge to move, the urge for change is CONSTANTLY within me. Home is where ever I am at. I live for change. I need a change of scenery, a change of employment desperately. I feel so trapped....and I don't know how to get out except to be patient and keep working towards my goal(s.)

Time. Patience. Change. Soon. Impatience. Don't wanna do the same thing anymore. When it's time for change, it's time for change. It's impossible to squash the urge. 

I am ready for new beginnings. Pursuing my passion full time = fulfillment. New scenery would be fantastic as well. But not possible. 

I miss the days of moving around. And as a child/teenager, I promise you I would have never thought I'd say it. It wasn't until I was an adult that I truly grew to appreciate the new beginnings I got every four years or so....give or take a couple of years. It's phenomenal to discover and live in so many places.

Ready for the next new beginning...and trying to be patient for it to come.