Have you ever done something and then just wondered, "Why in the hell did I do that?" 

At the time, it might have seemed like the right thing to do, but then afterwards, no matter how right it seemed, it seemed dumb?  

I am the type to think things through before acting or deciding...sometimes to a fault....I can also overthink and over-analyze as well, often.  I'm accused often of not being "boring" and not very spontaneous.

I tend to be cautious and once I find that "safe zone", not move far from it. After all, safety keeps one from getting hurt...right?  It also keeps one from personal growth as well as new life experiences, be then positive or not-so-positive. It's not really "living" when you play it safe all the time, is it? One has to go through hurts and disappointments in life. One has to learn it's okay to feel. Yes. It's okay to feel. Whether it be happiness or sadness, anger or frustration. At times, it's just the intensity of these feelings that make life worth experiencing...and truly living. One should never be afraid to feel, truly feel. Feels can be intense and frightening but they can also be intense and exciting.

If you fall down in life, or get hurt, get back up. Experience Life. Enjoy Life. Feel. Happiness. Sadness. Pain. HeartBreaks. Whatever it is....allow yourself to feel.

Life will be better because of it.

Don't think too much, but don't think too little. Some of life's best experiences are not the well-thought out ones, but the ones where you just "go with the flow."

Try it. And let me know how it goes for you. I promise, it will be okay. 

---October. Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

I. Am. A. Survivor.

I shared the "cliff notes" version of my story briefly yesterday at work with a guy friend. He. Was. Shocked. And at first, was in disbelief that it happened to me. Yes. It. Did. 19 years ago. I left. Somehow. And somehow, I am here today to share my story. I am not the same person as I was then.

I. Am. A. Survivor. Not a Victim. It happened to me. I lived it, a nightmare, day in and day out. Stalked, beat, raped. Name it. Yes. It. Happened. To Me.

It's October again. Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Often overlooked. We should do more. I should do more. Women, Children, Families are suffering because of this. We must educate our young ladies, our young men. We must be vigilant, proactive. We must make Domestic Violence Awareness known. It is a serious matter. It's not a game, it's not a joke. Lives are at risk. It affects ALL of us, whether directly or indirectly.

Please support your local women's shelters. Donate. Volunteer. Educate.

Purple is the color. Wear it. If you are a survivor, wear it proudly! Share your story. You never know who it might help.

-Giving.

Is it possible? To give too much? 

Is it possible to give so much, you can give no more?

Is it possible to burn yourself out from giving?

I can answer this for you. 

I am a "giver;" a "caretaker" if you will. It is possible. And I've been there.

Burnt out. Gave so much. With no one to replenish me along the way and no time to stop to replenish myself.

Giving of yourself is and should be a positive thing.

I fully believe one should give, their time, their talents,their love, their friendship. 

In giving, one should definitely have set personal boundaries as well as the ability to say "no."

You see as a giver or a caretaker, one can over-give easily without these. 

And when you over give, you can easily become stressed out, overburdened, overwhelmed. It's not a good feeling. 

Giving should be pleasurable. Giving of yourself in whatever aspect it might be should feel rewarding. It should never feel like a chore, a burden. 

Balance your giving. Balance yourself. Balance your life. And give. 

{Be You.}

"It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not." Mr. 62 (aka: Benny Garcia)

So often, in our society, we are busy trying to be what others want us to be.

Living up to others ideals of who we should be.

We forget to be ourselves. We think by achieving others' approvals, we will find happiness. 

We lose ourselves in the search for constant approval. We think by conforming to what others believe, we will gain their friendship, their love. But we are only fooling ourselves.

Why be someone you're not?

I spent many (many) years trying to gain approval. I spent many years trying to "fit in." What exactly does it mean to "fit in" anyhow? Aren't we all unique and individuals?  We fake who we are to fit in, we change who we are in different situations. None of this is necessary. You only make it harder on yourself. Watch and see how always being the "real" you changes your state if mind and state if happiness. 

Aren't quite sure who you are? It's okay. Spend some time alone, discovering yourself. Set your own expectations for yourself, and live up to them.

Ultimately, who cares what others think of you? Their opinions Don't. Matter. The only one who does is your opinion, your thoughts of yourself.

Be yourself...always. Don't change or compromise for anyone. Love yourself, like yourself. Be true to yourself. It will make a difference.

Watch. And. See.

....What's Stopping You?

What's Stopping You?

Life is short. Live in the moment. Be present. 

Create memories. Do something new each and every day.

What's Stopping You? 

Fear? Money? Lack of support? Lack of knowledge?

Make. It. Happen.

Don't let anything stop you from achieving your goals. Live life to the fullest.

.....Think about it: What's Stopping You? Overcome those obstacles, any way you can. 

......Just Friends?

I am not certain sometimes how these conversations begin. Recently, a friend posed this question: Can men and women be JUST friends?

You would think this would be a simple "yes or no" question and one would move on to another topic from there. Nope. Not really that simple. Or is it? 

My thoughts were this. We're talking about grown up's here. Not kids. Grown Ups. So my answer is yes. They can. Why not? 

I've posed this question to several friends since this conversation. Most  have said yes. As long as they've never dated...or been intimate to any degree. I can see where that would be true. If it's simply platonic. Yes. They can. If they were intimate to any degree, I can see where things might become slightly more complicated within the friendship. The parties involved would need to know where to draw the line. Ultimately though, it's up to the parties involved to define their relationship.

Every relationship - platonic or not - involves boundaries, rules of sort. Establish those boundaries and run with it. The women I polled said they love the input they get from their guy friends. It isn't a perspective we, as women, have. And vice versa. I mean come on men, your conversation involves the latest football statistics when you get together. You. Need. Us. Platonically. Who else are you going to have deep meaningful conversations with?! And yes, we need you too, men. You have perspectives on things we just don't understand. Opposite sex friendships work.

My thoughts are this. It's up to you. No one else has the right to judge your friendship(s.) Each of us define our own friendships. Who cares what others think and assume. We all know what "they" say about assumptions anyways. Do what works for you. Create your own relationships and stop worrying about what others think.

Live YOUR life. Do what's best for you. 

Memories.

What is the earliest age you can go back to and define where your memories began?

Not those "memories" fed to you by someone else, but true, you remember them for yourself memories.

My 8 year old son has an awesome memory. I hope he retains it. He remembers things back to the age of three, already.

Me? If I had to say, it'd probably be about 10 or 11, even 12 for that matter. And even there-after in my teenage years, my memories are somewhat vague.

Recently, I've been reminiscing, with an "old" friend. As an Air Force Brat, moving around often.....you lose touch with friends. With the world of social media now-a-days, it's somewhat easy to reconnect.

I struggle with memories - believe it or not.  Random memories pop in my mind, seemingly triggered by nothing.I feel like I should remember more. But the unfortunate thing is over the years, I feel a lot of happy memories were suppressed by not-so-happy life events.

My memories help complete the picture of who I am today. As I visit with "old" friends, more memories come flooding back. It's exciting, kind of like Christmas. 

I'm spending time, dusting off the cobwebs, revisiting some memories, and reconnecting the past with the present and with my future as well.

What do you remember? 

[Separating Dreams from Reality]

The topic of "dreams" has been plaguing me lately. 

How does one effectively separate their dreams from reality? 

Dreams are good. Dreams keep the mind active, creative. Dreams give us something to work towards, look forward to.

Dreams can also hinder us, when we cannot effectively separate them from reality.

Realizing and acknowledging that some dreams will never become reality...that they will be just that...DREAMS. Nothing more, nothing less. Once one accepts this and creates that boundary with those dreams that are just fantasies, if you will, then the conflict ends. The understanding begins.

Some dreams are meant to be lived out. Others, fantasies, entertainment for our minds. Nothing is meant to be done with them...but to dream.

So dream on. But lose the confusion, the conflict......realize which dreams are to be lived out.....and which are not. But don't stop dreaming. Ever.

{Third Grade ~Homework.}

Third grade. Is Killing Me. And I'm 38. 

Algorithms? Thesis writing? What the heck is an algorithm? Seriously? I graduated high school. I have an associates degree. I can't do third grade math! I'm a writer, but a thesis? Come on? Seriously? Really? Third grade? Have we graduated to college-level homework?  We're half-way through the first quarter and I. Am. Lost. 

Frustrated more like it. I am an involved parent. I like to help my son with his homework. But I. Can't. I'm blowing up the teacher's email. Reorganizing and readjusting. (Don't ask) but he's on his fifth teacher, mind you, three were substitutes (one turned long-term substitute.) Now he's moved into another classroom permanently and we seem to play catch up...AGAIN. You'd think all these third grade teachers were on the same page, doing the same thing. Think again. Not. Happening. 

Plus, the school has this program called AVID, which is supposed to prepare the kids for college, teach them how to organize and take notes. Six weeks into the school year, or there-abouts, and we've barely begun the AVID program. Now he's in a class that is actively working the AVID program....and we are lost, and behind. Very. Behind. We've got to start fresh.

Frustrated. A bit. About to take it all in strides. It's going to be an awesome school year. It has no choice but to be. And we're going to learn. A lot. 

---The Importance of Friendship.

So often in our busy lives, we take for granted that we will always have time for friendship.

I realize as I get "older" the importance of friends, past, present and future friends. Friends that stand with you long term, and those that are only with you for a short period of time.

Friendship is a true gift. It's a gift to be nurtured and cherished for always. 

I had the opportunity to spend the day with some wonderful friends today, one new(er) and one old(er.) We laughed, we ate, we talked, our children ran and played together. Friendship is good for your health. 

Everyone should have that friend they can share absolutely anything with, without fear of judgement. Everyone should have a friend that they can call at all hours of the night. Everyone should have that friend that you can laugh with and cry with. That friend who will support you and be by your side through anything.

Although it hasn't always been easy for me to allow friends "in," I have learned that friends are essential to life. Sharing. Hanging out. Laughing. Talking. Friends are essential to the well-being of our souls.

I am guilty of not making enough time to see  my friends, face-to-face, and am actively attempting to do better. I need them in my life. And I love each and every one of them. They've all come into my life for one reason or another...and they all have added a positive dimension to my life. 

Are you making time to nurture those cherished friendships? Make the time. It's more important than you might think. 

----Dreams vs. Reality. The Constant Conflict.

I recently read a horoscope of sorts. Not the every day generic horoscope you find in the daily newspaper or in your in-box, but a different sort of "horoscope." An incredibly detailed "horoscope." Let me add a disclaimer here that I typically put very little credence into horoscopes;they are generic, they are entertaining. 

What I read was based on my birthdate (month, date and year) naturally as horoscopes are. It alluded that often my dreams create a conflict with my reality, which in turns creates a depression and struggle of sorts. Reading that hit me like a ton of bricks. I mean seriously....it explained a few things.

Having dealt with depression in the past, I am closely in-tuned to my emotions. I know the signals when I am reaching that temporary "low." It doesn't last long, maybe a day, maybe two. And I know what to do to pull myself back up out of it.

This "horoscope" statement really got me to thinking. How to I make the two work together? I have always struggled with the past and the present....they seem to collide together. And some of my dreams, are just that. Dreams....not any that could ever come to reality. How do you find the peace with that? And still dream....but without the conflict. I'll let you know....when I figure it out. Till then......let it all collide.  

-What. Will. You. Do?-

This is where I bear my soul...and share my life's experiences. In hopes that a little vulnerability will help even just one person along the way.

We are fast approaching the month of October...it's commonly known as Breast Cancer Awareness Month, an important cause, but less known as Domestic Violence Awareness Month. 

The latter topic has recently been weighing upon my heart. As a survivor (19 years ago and going strong!!!), I feel it's incredibly important to educate others on this less discussed but equally important topic. Still seemingly taboo to talk about.

A few facts tonight:

Imagine this: EVERY nine seconds a woman is beaten or assaulted in the US. This could be your sister, your daughter, a friend. What will you do about it?

Up to ten million children witness an act of domestic violence annually. *It's a fact.* What will you do about it?

Every, single day more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends. And this is love? 

Our teenage girls are affected as well. One in five have said their boyfriends have threatened violence or self harm if a break up occured. Imagine that being your daughter.

Lastly, it affect far more than the immediate parties involved. Domestic violence victims lose nearly eight million days of paid work per year. That's 32,000 full time jobs, people, 32,000!!

And let's not talk about the cost of healthcare and the monies spent in the judicial system. Staggering.

Serious subject. What will YOU do?

Support your local shelters, donate, volunteer. Educate yourself, not one month out of the year, but often.

{Have you Dreams}

Someone once asked whether or not I dream. I say, "Define Dream."

Everyone dreams at one point or another in their life. Some dreams are obtained, while others lie long forgotten.

Those forgotten dreams lie deeply embedded in your soul. Nagging at you to break free. It may seem that they are forgotten but subconsciously, they are always there, a part of you.

Forgotten dreams need to be re-birthed. You will feel better for it, if you follow your heart. Trust me on this one.

Recently I said that much of my life is not how I pictured it would be in my latter years of high school. My big dream was to graduate in Italy...head off to college in Perugia (Italy.) And live and work in Rome. I wanted to work for the USO, right down the street from the Vatican City, St. Peters Square. Oh the dreams I had then. I won't say I am discontent with the way my life is now. I've got many things to be thankful for....some things I'd never even imagined. But these dreams are still in me....deeply embedded. Oh the part about college in Italy....I'm okay with that, it won't ever happen, I'm a bit too "old" for that. But to live there again...that's a dream that will never subside as long as I live.

Dreams are important. Some dreams are just that. Dreams. Others are meant to be worked towards and lived out.

Pick up those forgotten dreams. Rediscover your dreams. Create new ones. Don't let them go. Do whatever it takes to achieve them. No regrets in life. Live life to the fullest.

{Another Untitled...Random Thoughts.}

...Separation.......Distancing myself from what I knew. 

Taking a different path. Switching directions. Slowly. New Things are coming.

Sadness and sorrow. Are Gone. New birth. New Life. New Direction.

New Path. New Goals. New creations. 

Slowly. Pulling away. Without a sound. Further. And. Further. Away.

Distancing. Farther Away.

The space gets wider. The distance, longer. 

Slowly. Separating from things that are unhealthy. Unkind. 

Widening the gap.

Red!!

What woman doesn't love a pair of red heels?

Falling.

Falling, Falling. Slowly. Down. Down. 

Reaching up, for a hand. Is no one around?

Falling. Down. Slowly. Is there no way up?

Slowly. Reaching up again.....finally found a hand....latching on. Grabbing hold. Not letting go. 

Pulling me up. Seeing the light. There now...standing on my own. 

Like a Wave.

Highs...and lows...like a wave, constantly moving...flowing, up and down...back and forth. 

So is life. Like a wave. Constant movement. Constant flow. Constant change.

*Good Morning!!

...True Friendship.

I'd like to start by saying this: True Friendship - and when I say "true," I mean "true," is a rare gem, something that doesn't come often in life.

On one hand nearly, I can count the number of people - outside of my family - that I consider a true friend. Someone I can go to at any time, someone I completely trust with whatever I say. Someone that is there to laugh with me and to cry with me. Someone that continues to stand in my corner....and cheer me on....even when I don't feel like going on. Someone that doesn't tell me what I WANT to hear but what I NEED to hear. Someone who I would trust with my life......there for each other....always no matter what.

Those friends, those real friends, are so hard to find. I love those friends that "get me." They know who I am and what I am thinking, sometimes even before I do. And when you are uncertain of something in that friendship, to be able to talk it out....and make sure each other is okay and on the same page, without being afraid of hurting each others' feelings. Yeah. That's real friendship. 

I am thankful for each of you. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without you.

......Persistence & Patience = Dreams Accomplished.

....When you desire something so desperately? How hard will you work to get it? How many obstacles will you jump through to obtain it?

....Change. Yet. Again. Seems every time something good comes my way.....a door opens, drama surrounds me. Anyone else relate?

Working hard to achieve my dream(s.) Persistence and yeah, patience, as hard as that patience thing is....I have to have it. I want it. Self-employment, freedom. No longer asking "Mother May I?" Or more like, "Supervisor, May I?" Dreams. Passions. Pursuing them. Are you pursuing yours? What would you sacrifice for your dream(s)? Money? Time? Sleep? I am sacrificing a lot of sleep....and free time.

Holding down a nearly full-time job while working nearly every weekend as well to build a business......that's a sacrifice. Staying up late......lack of sleep.....that's a huge (HUGE!) sacrifice on my part. I LOVE sleep!

Building a business takes time. A whole lot of time. Trust me. It takes more than I ever thought I could give. It puts me way outside my comfort zone. But...I want this. Badly.

Can you see your dreams vividly? Do you think about them constantly? (I do.) Can you see yourself achieving your dreams....not necessarily all the hows...but can you see yourself doing it? Dream big.

Dreams aren't just for children. Life is short. Go after them. Whatever they are, no matter how big nor small. Get 'em!

..New Beginnings.

As an Air Force Brat, for the first 18 years of my life, I did nothing but move, on average every four years. As a child, I didn't really appreciate it....I mean who wanted to make new friends with each move. But let me tell you this: With each move and each unpacking, it was like an extra Christmas. Not that you didn't know what was packed when you left.......but opening those boxes...wow! New beginnings! New house. New base! Completely Awesome! Right. Always the excitement, despite not appreciating the lifestyle as a child.

As a BRAT, I find it a challenge to stay in any one location for very long. I find I get bored quite easily. Okay, after a few years, been there done, that...what's next? 

The urge to move, the urge for change is CONSTANTLY within me. Home is where ever I am at. I live for change. I need a change of scenery, a change of employment desperately. I feel so trapped....and I don't know how to get out except to be patient and keep working towards my goal(s.)

Time. Patience. Change. Soon. Impatience. Don't wanna do the same thing anymore. When it's time for change, it's time for change. It's impossible to squash the urge. 

I am ready for new beginnings. Pursuing my passion full time = fulfillment. New scenery would be fantastic as well. But not possible. 

I miss the days of moving around. And as a child/teenager, I promise you I would have never thought I'd say it. It wasn't until I was an adult that I truly grew to appreciate the new beginnings I got every four years or so....give or take a couple of years. It's phenomenal to discover and live in so many places.

Ready for the next new beginning...and trying to be patient for it to come.

Are They Really?

....Sometimes....you may think people are your friends, but they really are not. Not everyone is sincere in their words and actions. Look closely....are they really sincere? You be the judge.

Not everyone's motives and intentions are honest. They may cover it all up with the right words and actions....but it's just a game.

Too many people playing games with each other creates unnecessary hurt and drama and loss of trust. Friendships are taken too lightly.

I put walls up for a long time, as I was tired of the hurt. Tired of the pain. Tired of all the issues that go with any sort of relationship.

Then, I "grew up", moved on, thought I'd try this whole trusting people and friends again. But people have their own motives, their own agendas and can be incredibly manipulative. And for someone like me, who always finds the good in everyone, who trusts and gives too much, it just doesn't seem to work. Maybe I am still a bit naive.

I think I prefer the "walls up" version...so I am putting them back up. Most are going to have to get out. I should have never let some of you in, close to me. Too much hurt. Too much heartache. Not worth either of it. Keeping my true friends close........

Look closely....Listen Closely. You will see who is truly on your team, who truly cares for you, who will truly be there with you. Don't put the blinders on like I have done. Keep your eyes open.

Learning from life's mistakes. Loving myself first.

~Paris~

Oh, dear city of Paris! How easy it is to fall in love with you! The beautiful city of Paris!

{Survivor}

I am reminded tonight of a time in my life when I was nearly completely dependent upon someone else...because I allowed them (unknowingly) to control my every move. Looking back....by right, I should not even be here, alive today to write this blog.

As a young (impressionable) 17-19 year old, with low self-esteem and who'd lived virtually a sheltered life....I knew nothing of domestic violence. Nothing. At. All. As serious as this subject is, shouldn't we be talking about it  more? Shouldn't we educate not only our young women....but the young men as well? 

There are so many forms of domestic violence. Immediately when one thinks of it, the first thing that comes to mind is physical abuse. Certainly, I endured that. On a very daily basis. When you have knife held to your throat....you see your life flash before you. I. Should. NOT. Be. Here. Today. Period. When you are virtually held captive...followed everywhere you go.....you fear for your life, daily. No one should have to live like this. Ever. No One. 

How about the mental and emotional abuse? Yeah, you guessed it. That too. Not ever being good enough...no matter what or how hard you tried....yeah, it sucks. Self-esteem? There. Is. None.

Sexual Abuse. No is No, right? Never to the abuser. 

The list goes on. I was stalked. How about that? Scary feeling, even after you are finally able to leave, to be stalked. What good is a restraining order? I mean seriously? Even the police barely take it seriously. I carried that crumpled up yellow piece of paper with me EVERYWHERE for many, many years. I think I finally gave up on the piece of paper and threw it out. (I'd still recommend getting one with all this being said.) The restraining order does NOT take away the fear.

Time heals. Prayer heals. Sharing- oh my God- sharing and being vulnerable heals. I've cried many tears, asked why many times. Blamed God and everyone else. Seek support, seek counseling. Most of all...Love yourself FIRST before anyone else. 

The trauma I've endured, the pain, the hurt, the anger, the fear....NO ONE should have to go through with that ever. I've been a survivor for 19 years now. Senior in high school, abused by her "ever-so-loving" boyfriend. 

Let's talk more about this, share more about this, cry more about this. Push for more stringent laws and sentences. It. Is. Serious. People - women, men and children- die from this DAILY. Why is it such the taboo subject? 

Wishing you healing, love, and true joy and happiness. You are a survivor. You will heal. You will make it. One day at at time.

~Blog More?! Huh?

So I've been thinking...a lot. Maybe in all my free time, I ought to blog more, yeah. More. Cuz I haven't got anything else to do but blog away.And then I think, if I do blog more, maybe I will get more readers? Huh? Seriously? I doubt it's that easy. Nothing is this fast-paced world of technology is EVER that easy. I mean seriously. What am I thinking? Easy. Yeah. Right.

First off, free time is scarce for me. With all the titles I hold....well, let's just reiterate, I rarely have free time and when i do...I am exhausted. Who has time to think about blogging...and more blogging?

Second off, I haven't got that many exciting things to blog about? Or do I? Hmmmmm......maybe I do. It's all just hidden away and if I could get that free time, I could blog about 'em. 

Yeah. That's it. I'm going to schedule some free time....just to blog. Yeah. Scheduling free time. An interesting concept.....is free time supposed to be scheduled? I mean, doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of it being free (time?) 

Well, whatever. This was one boring post....more exciting stuff to come.

-Chances-

Life is made up of the chances we take. 

Life is made up of the experiences we make.

Life is made up of laughter and tears.

Life is made up of the good and the bad...the happy and the sad.

Life is made up of risks....that we take.

Life is....those chances we take......So choose wisely. 

{Friendship}

So today, on my Facebook pages, I posted the following question: In one word, what does friendship mean to you? As of now, I've got no comments, which leads me to believe either (1) I need to be more exciting or (2) I've got you stumped. (Or maybe no one really looks at my page much anyways.

I've always held friendships in high regards.....the few close ones I have had over the years. But then, life happened, circumstances made me shut down and put up walls for years...not allowing anyone in to avoid the pain that goes with friendship and relationships in general. 

So today in transit to home, while my mind has eight million, six hundred thousand and thirty thoughts racing through it...I decided to throw that question out there.

What does friendship mean to me?

-Unconditional
-Forever
-Support
-Trust
-Openness
-Honesty
-Laughter
-Tears
-Truth
-Fun
-Listening (ear)
-Advise
-Nonjudgemental
-Love

So much more comes to mind. Not single words though. Friendship should be unconditional.....no matter what......I hold you as my friend, love you as my friend.

-Curve Balls.

Sometimes, life throws us a curve ball. Sometimes, it throws us a distraction.  

Sometimes, if we are not careful, we fall into that said distraction. 

Sometimes that said distraction can be packaged all pretty....making it harder to resist. 

Sometimes that said distraction, it can present itself as the most perfect solution....but is it really?

Is that curve ball worth it? It could be.....are you willing to take that chance? 

Life is all about choices, experiences. Do you weigh the pros and cons or do you just "jump?" 

Curve balls, distractions, call it what you will.....they happen, often.

iPhone (cell phone) Pics vs DSLR Pics

So often I hear "Why take photos with your iPhone when you have that NICE DSLR?" (Well, I actually have two + two nice SLRs as well.) 

Truth be told....one cannot always carry around a big DSLR....as much as I would love to cuz I absolutely LOVE my D7000. (And my D80- not to be left out!) but I can get photos in places I otherwise wouldn't be able to when carrying around that big, heavy - you can't hide it - camera. 

Some think iPhone (cell phone) photos diminish my talent as a photographer. I argue otherwise. Photography is NOT the equipment one uses. I have seen some phenomenal (yes, I said phenomenal) work done with an iPhone. iPhone photography is a huge trend (and trend it is.) And it's convenient. Whip it out  - hell, it's usually in my hand anyhow - push the screen and I'm off. No exposure adjusting, no zooming in, zooming out, focus nothing. In a second, I've captured what I've wanted....without anyone being wise to it. I mean, come on, how easy is it to truly to that with a big DSLR? Not so easy. Once again, you can't hide it. It takes a few seconds to adjust your settings. Yeah, you've got  more megapixels, a clearer image.....the ability to print larger prints......when taken with a DSLR. But once again....I've been able to capture so much with my iPhone that I otherwise would've missed. 

Photographers- Chime in. What are your thoughts? I will never say the iPhone (or any cell phone camera) will replace the DSLR - that's just not happening. But as technology becomes better, so do the photos you can get from your iPhone. Hey! It's a fun tool. I love the apps and the effects I get....and I get tons of compliments on my crappy iPhone photos as well. 

Photography is not the equipment I use, but rather the way I see the world......whether with my crappy iPhone photos or with my DSLRs. 

Just. Keep Shooting. No matter what.

....and sometimes.....it hurts.

I've been a closed book for a long time. Walls kept up to keep people out, to avoid getting close, to avoid the feelings that go along with any relationship. My circle of trust is small. 

I've never been one to open up and share a lot. But within the past year, I have begun to open up....and be who I truly am supposed to be. With that, however, has come emotions I don't want to deal with. See, when you don't care about someone/anyone, it doesn't hurt. But when you care....the relationship: be it a friendship, marriage or whatever, will hurt, eventually. And I don't like it. I am already an overly emotional person. 

Honestly, a part of me wants to turn right back around and put those walls back up....to keep people out.......so I don't have to feel so deeply. But the other part of me knows this is all part of life. And that it's okay to feel deeply.  I want to not care.....really. I do. But I can't. It's just not in me. 

Any relationship will have the good times, the bad times, and the in between times. It's knowing what to do in each of them that makes getting through it easier. I am still learning.  I guess I will always be learning. My biggest obstacle and challenge is to not rebuild the walls to keep everyone out.  Keep moving forward, keep building relationships, new and old.

-reflections-

So many things have had to happen in my life to get to where I am now. Recently, I've been reflecting, reminiscing, looking back. I do that often, remembering the good times, and even the not-so-good times.  Why not? It's all made me who I am today........and each experience in life will continue to mold me into the person I am.

Recently in all this self-reflecting and reminiscing, I've grown to learn a few things about myself. Some have shed light on things I didn't realize about myself.....people that knew me "then" and people that know me now...and those in between.

The people that knew me "then", well, I was this quiet, "shy" girl.........not overly confident and as I like to say, ever-so-innocent. Okay, yesterday I was reminded that I might not have been as innocent as I {claim} to be! ("They" - whoever "they" are - say it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for.) I allowed myself to stay there......always looking "in" from the outside. 

When I think of who I was a year ago, wow! is all I can say. I am in such a different place mentally now than then. I am a completly different person. Confident, dare I say, a bit bold. I just see things differently now. I know WHO I am and WHAT I want. And I am determined and no longer afraid to go after them. Every day I make strides to better myself, learn something new, to be who I truly am. You see, I 've realized what my husband has already known and continuously told me, people are drawn to me. I see it. Now. 

I amaze myself. I stop and ask myself from time to time, "Who is this girl?" Not the same person she was not long ago. And I REALLY like her. ALOT. I like myself. No even better....I. Love. Myself. I do. So what. If I don't love myself, how can anyone else?

Love yourself. Like yourself. Forgive yourself. Be easy on yourself. Challenge yourself. Better yourself. It's really quite simple.