Are They Really?

....Sometimes....you may think people are your friends, but they really are not. Not everyone is sincere in their words and actions. Look closely....are they really sincere? You be the judge.

Not everyone's motives and intentions are honest. They may cover it all up with the right words and actions....but it's just a game.

Too many people playing games with each other creates unnecessary hurt and drama and loss of trust. Friendships are taken too lightly.

I put walls up for a long time, as I was tired of the hurt. Tired of the pain. Tired of all the issues that go with any sort of relationship.

Then, I "grew up", moved on, thought I'd try this whole trusting people and friends again. But people have their own motives, their own agendas and can be incredibly manipulative. And for someone like me, who always finds the good in everyone, who trusts and gives too much, it just doesn't seem to work. Maybe I am still a bit naive.

I think I prefer the "walls up" version...so I am putting them back up. Most are going to have to get out. I should have never let some of you in, close to me. Too much hurt. Too much heartache. Not worth either of it. Keeping my true friends close........

Look closely....Listen Closely. You will see who is truly on your team, who truly cares for you, who will truly be there with you. Don't put the blinders on like I have done. Keep your eyes open.

Learning from life's mistakes. Loving myself first.

~Paris~

Oh, dear city of Paris! How easy it is to fall in love with you! The beautiful city of Paris!

{Survivor}

I am reminded tonight of a time in my life when I was nearly completely dependent upon someone else...because I allowed them (unknowingly) to control my every move. Looking back....by right, I should not even be here, alive today to write this blog.

As a young (impressionable) 17-19 year old, with low self-esteem and who'd lived virtually a sheltered life....I knew nothing of domestic violence. Nothing. At. All. As serious as this subject is, shouldn't we be talking about it  more? Shouldn't we educate not only our young women....but the young men as well? 

There are so many forms of domestic violence. Immediately when one thinks of it, the first thing that comes to mind is physical abuse. Certainly, I endured that. On a very daily basis. When you have knife held to your throat....you see your life flash before you. I. Should. NOT. Be. Here. Today. Period. When you are virtually held captive...followed everywhere you go.....you fear for your life, daily. No one should have to live like this. Ever. No One. 

How about the mental and emotional abuse? Yeah, you guessed it. That too. Not ever being good enough...no matter what or how hard you tried....yeah, it sucks. Self-esteem? There. Is. None.

Sexual Abuse. No is No, right? Never to the abuser. 

The list goes on. I was stalked. How about that? Scary feeling, even after you are finally able to leave, to be stalked. What good is a restraining order? I mean seriously? Even the police barely take it seriously. I carried that crumpled up yellow piece of paper with me EVERYWHERE for many, many years. I think I finally gave up on the piece of paper and threw it out. (I'd still recommend getting one with all this being said.) The restraining order does NOT take away the fear.

Time heals. Prayer heals. Sharing- oh my God- sharing and being vulnerable heals. I've cried many tears, asked why many times. Blamed God and everyone else. Seek support, seek counseling. Most of all...Love yourself FIRST before anyone else. 

The trauma I've endured, the pain, the hurt, the anger, the fear....NO ONE should have to go through with that ever. I've been a survivor for 19 years now. Senior in high school, abused by her "ever-so-loving" boyfriend. 

Let's talk more about this, share more about this, cry more about this. Push for more stringent laws and sentences. It. Is. Serious. People - women, men and children- die from this DAILY. Why is it such the taboo subject? 

Wishing you healing, love, and true joy and happiness. You are a survivor. You will heal. You will make it. One day at at time.

~Blog More?! Huh?

So I've been thinking...a lot. Maybe in all my free time, I ought to blog more, yeah. More. Cuz I haven't got anything else to do but blog away.And then I think, if I do blog more, maybe I will get more readers? Huh? Seriously? I doubt it's that easy. Nothing is this fast-paced world of technology is EVER that easy. I mean seriously. What am I thinking? Easy. Yeah. Right.

First off, free time is scarce for me. With all the titles I hold....well, let's just reiterate, I rarely have free time and when i do...I am exhausted. Who has time to think about blogging...and more blogging?

Second off, I haven't got that many exciting things to blog about? Or do I? Hmmmmm......maybe I do. It's all just hidden away and if I could get that free time, I could blog about 'em. 

Yeah. That's it. I'm going to schedule some free time....just to blog. Yeah. Scheduling free time. An interesting concept.....is free time supposed to be scheduled? I mean, doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of it being free (time?) 

Well, whatever. This was one boring post....more exciting stuff to come.

-Chances-

Life is made up of the chances we take. 

Life is made up of the experiences we make.

Life is made up of laughter and tears.

Life is made up of the good and the bad...the happy and the sad.

Life is made up of risks....that we take.

Life is....those chances we take......So choose wisely. 

{Friendship}

So today, on my Facebook pages, I posted the following question: In one word, what does friendship mean to you? As of now, I've got no comments, which leads me to believe either (1) I need to be more exciting or (2) I've got you stumped. (Or maybe no one really looks at my page much anyways.

I've always held friendships in high regards.....the few close ones I have had over the years. But then, life happened, circumstances made me shut down and put up walls for years...not allowing anyone in to avoid the pain that goes with friendship and relationships in general. 

So today in transit to home, while my mind has eight million, six hundred thousand and thirty thoughts racing through it...I decided to throw that question out there.

What does friendship mean to me?

-Unconditional
-Forever
-Support
-Trust
-Openness
-Honesty
-Laughter
-Tears
-Truth
-Fun
-Listening (ear)
-Advise
-Nonjudgemental
-Love

So much more comes to mind. Not single words though. Friendship should be unconditional.....no matter what......I hold you as my friend, love you as my friend.

-Curve Balls.

Sometimes, life throws us a curve ball. Sometimes, it throws us a distraction.  

Sometimes, if we are not careful, we fall into that said distraction. 

Sometimes that said distraction can be packaged all pretty....making it harder to resist. 

Sometimes that said distraction, it can present itself as the most perfect solution....but is it really?

Is that curve ball worth it? It could be.....are you willing to take that chance? 

Life is all about choices, experiences. Do you weigh the pros and cons or do you just "jump?" 

Curve balls, distractions, call it what you will.....they happen, often.

iPhone (cell phone) Pics vs DSLR Pics

So often I hear "Why take photos with your iPhone when you have that NICE DSLR?" (Well, I actually have two + two nice SLRs as well.) 

Truth be told....one cannot always carry around a big DSLR....as much as I would love to cuz I absolutely LOVE my D7000. (And my D80- not to be left out!) but I can get photos in places I otherwise wouldn't be able to when carrying around that big, heavy - you can't hide it - camera. 

Some think iPhone (cell phone) photos diminish my talent as a photographer. I argue otherwise. Photography is NOT the equipment one uses. I have seen some phenomenal (yes, I said phenomenal) work done with an iPhone. iPhone photography is a huge trend (and trend it is.) And it's convenient. Whip it out  - hell, it's usually in my hand anyhow - push the screen and I'm off. No exposure adjusting, no zooming in, zooming out, focus nothing. In a second, I've captured what I've wanted....without anyone being wise to it. I mean, come on, how easy is it to truly to that with a big DSLR? Not so easy. Once again, you can't hide it. It takes a few seconds to adjust your settings. Yeah, you've got  more megapixels, a clearer image.....the ability to print larger prints......when taken with a DSLR. But once again....I've been able to capture so much with my iPhone that I otherwise would've missed. 

Photographers- Chime in. What are your thoughts? I will never say the iPhone (or any cell phone camera) will replace the DSLR - that's just not happening. But as technology becomes better, so do the photos you can get from your iPhone. Hey! It's a fun tool. I love the apps and the effects I get....and I get tons of compliments on my crappy iPhone photos as well. 

Photography is not the equipment I use, but rather the way I see the world......whether with my crappy iPhone photos or with my DSLRs. 

Just. Keep Shooting. No matter what.