Are They Really?

....Sometimes....you may think people are your friends, but they really are not. Not everyone is sincere in their words and actions. Look closely....are they really sincere? You be the judge.

Not everyone's motives and intentions are honest. They may cover it all up with the right words and actions....but it's just a game.

Too many people playing games with each other creates unnecessary hurt and drama and loss of trust. Friendships are taken too lightly.

I put walls up for a long time, as I was tired of the hurt. Tired of the pain. Tired of all the issues that go with any sort of relationship.

Then, I "grew up", moved on, thought I'd try this whole trusting people and friends again. But people have their own motives, their own agendas and can be incredibly manipulative. And for someone like me, who always finds the good in everyone, who trusts and gives too much, it just doesn't seem to work. Maybe I am still a bit naive.

I think I prefer the "walls up" version...so I am putting them back up. Most are going to have to get out. I should have never let some of you in, close to me. Too much hurt. Too much heartache. Not worth either of it. Keeping my true friends close........

Look closely....Listen Closely. You will see who is truly on your team, who truly cares for you, who will truly be there with you. Don't put the blinders on like I have done. Keep your eyes open.

Learning from life's mistakes. Loving myself first.

....and sometimes.....it hurts.

I've been a closed book for a long time. Walls kept up to keep people out, to avoid getting close, to avoid the feelings that go along with any relationship. My circle of trust is small. 

I've never been one to open up and share a lot. But within the past year, I have begun to open up....and be who I truly am supposed to be. With that, however, has come emotions I don't want to deal with. See, when you don't care about someone/anyone, it doesn't hurt. But when you care....the relationship: be it a friendship, marriage or whatever, will hurt, eventually. And I don't like it. I am already an overly emotional person. 

Honestly, a part of me wants to turn right back around and put those walls back up....to keep people out.......so I don't have to feel so deeply. But the other part of me knows this is all part of life. And that it's okay to feel deeply.  I want to not care.....really. I do. But I can't. It's just not in me. 

Any relationship will have the good times, the bad times, and the in between times. It's knowing what to do in each of them that makes getting through it easier. I am still learning.  I guess I will always be learning. My biggest obstacle and challenge is to not rebuild the walls to keep everyone out.  Keep moving forward, keep building relationships, new and old.