The End of October & The Story of a {Young} Girl

Well, October is nearly officially over, meaning the end of Halloween, Breast Cancer Awareness Month & Domestic Violence Awareness Month as well.

If I may be a bit vulnerable here {because my story may change someone's life....it happened for a reason....) - Domestic Violence Awareness Month is a cause that is near and dear to my heart. You see I once was a young 17 year old girl, with low self esteem.....who WAS a victim of domestic violence. I was a senior in high school; recently moved back to the States {From Italy, of all places}, lonely, and quite naive!

Domestic Violence starts out quite discreetly; it's the little things that may seem "off" at first.........but then, at the same time, they don't. I mean, when you're that young, what do you know? For me, the red flag was the constant comparison to other females, but when I mentioned it to an adult, I was told not to worry...so I didn't. Brainwashing.....it occurs so discreetly, one doesn't even notice. Then, things escalated from there.........funny, how easy it is to hide the signs of abuse. I often wondered why no one noticed.......I lived with this guy and often recall leaving the apartment in tears, hanging out in the public areas of the apartment, silently crying out for help.....no one came. I remember all this like yesterday...and for years afterwards, I often wondered "Why?" "Why me?" "Why didn't I leave sooner?" I lived in pure hell, for a long time. I was a master at hiding my feelings, how easy it was to put on that "everything is great!" face.

Leaving.......not as easy as it would seem. I did....finally, by the grace of God, I am alive today.......and I am a BETTER person for having gone through it. {Who'd thought years ago I would have ever said that!} I blamed myself, I blamed others. But finally, I learned to forgive. Things happen for a reason, be them good or bad. Honestly, as awful as it was........and as much as it hurt, both physically and emotionally, I wouldn't take it back. (It sounds absolutely CRAZY!!! to even type this!) I wouldn't change it because I may not be the stronger woman I am today......and I would not have this story to tell, that may help someone else.

You see, Domestic Violence is serious.......it effects EVERYONE, the woman, the man, the children. It effects the community, the workplace. We need to talk about it, become educated about the signs and symptoms, learn what to do and how we can help. Stop saying, "Well, why doesn't she/he just leave?" It's just not that easy.............fear, dependence, brainwashing..........it keeps you there especially the fear. We need to do more about domestic violence. It needs to be talked about not just in October but every month. We need to educate our youth to prevent domestic violence from occuring. We need to encourage our young woman (and men, as well, as they can also be victims) to have strong self esteem...to know who they are as an individual...to protect themselves. We need stricter punishment for the abusers and even rehabilitation...and more protection for the victims. I remember the day I left - and sitting in that counselor's office as she showed me the different types of abuse (and I checked, "yes, yes, yes, yes." She taught me the cycle of abuse. I am familiar, and know it well.

I am thankful.......God brought me out of it, and gave me a wonderful husband and family. Good things do come. Be strong. Stay Educated. Be survivor. I am!

Let's not stop talking about it because October is over. Keep talking, keep sharing. It's worth it, you never know who you might help.

The healing will come...I promise.

Enjoy Events Co. // Celebration, Planning & Design in the Bay Area // Emily Read Bentley &: enjoy events co. advice #2: on hiring a photograph...

Enjoy Events Co. // Celebration, Planning & Design in the Bay Area // Emily Read Bentley &: enjoy events co. advice #2: on hiring a photograph...: hey folks, this is a big one today. a big and a FUN one. if you are in the process of hiring a photographer or just need some general advice...

There are certain situations that make me feel like a terrible Mother. I know I am not......but I just feel torn...and guilty. 

As a working mother, who is predominantly responsible for my son's care, I am the one who has to cut my work day short to pick up a sick or hurt child. 

Today was one of those days. I got a  call from my son's school about 15 minutes before I was to leave for the day. He had a temperature of 102- definitely needed to be picked up. Now here is the problem: number one: I work about 45 minutes from his school (in which I hate on days like these.) Problem number two: I had to find my supervisor to let her know I was about to leave for the day (at my regular time NOT early) and wouldn't be in tomorrow due to the fever. (24 hour fever free school policy-every Mother is familiar with this policy...whether we adhere to it or not is another story completely.) 

Although it was time for me to leave, my supervisor informed me that since I wasn't going to be in tomorrow, everything had to be done! Everything! Now here is the dilemma......I need my job....do I leave anyhow at my regular time, or do I stay? It's a tough position to be in. I stayed an extra 30 minutes, in which I still did not get "everything" done. And during those extra 30 minutes I felt terrible and guilty! I mean what mother chooses to stay late to finish her work when she has a sick child waiting for her at the school? I have always said family comes first, and in the instance, I put work first. And I. Felt. Guilty. All I could think of was how I couldn't to him fast enough. 45 minutes away, leaving work 35 minutes late....behind schedule....sick child....school calling, not once but a third time! I felt terrible! 

And when I arrived to the school, profusely apologizing for my "tardiness" - my son asked what took me so long. Never....Never will I put work before my family when they need me most of all. Work can be replaced, my family cannot. 

First Times.

There are first times for everything: first tooth, first words, first kiss, first job...this has been a weekend of "firsts" for not only myself, but my family as well. 

This weekend, we took "Lola" (our 1973 Volkswagen Bus) on her first 400 + mile road trip. Now, Lola is what's known in the VW world as a Westfalia, or a camper bus. My husband spent the past few weeks diligently preparing Lola for this weekend of a lifetime. In tip-top shape, we headed out to Port Orange, Florida for a huge VW show called No Dough Bus Show. 

Now, let me share with you, there is no better and more fun way to travel than in a VW Bus. The honks, the waves, the looks we get rolling down the interstate at our top speed of (gasp!) 65 miles per hour!! But we were doing it! Getting blown all over the lane by semis and huge tour buses, bouncing along on Georgia's ever-so-wonderful interstate roads! (I'd forgotten to make my "No Dough or Bust"sign for the back window in Lola!) It was a blast! Lola is loved by ALL! 

Upon arrival in Port Orange, we set up at No Dough Bus Show for a long, relaxing day with other VW Bus enthusiasts. Now, for another first, this was our first time driving her out of state to a car show as well. We took Lola on her (and our) first Navigational Rally as well, which is kind of like a scavenger hunt, only in a car!!!! We gave it a try for about 45 minutes and had an absolute blast, as well as a lot of laughs, before turning in our sorry looking answer sheet at the final check point. (I am certain others gave up before and shortly after us as well!) 

That evening, we camped in Lola...drum roll, please.....for the. first. time. And oh my goodness! We loved it! Lola sleeps four, there's a lovely fold out bed, and a child's cot that lies above the driver's and passenger's seat (my son loved it!) as well as a cot that is above in the pop up top area, my VW enthusiasts can picture this,  know most of you can't! Camping in her well, it. was. AWESOME!!!! We have set the tone for any and all of our future road trips. Who needs a hotel? We are driving in one! And let me tell you, camp sights are much cheaper than a decent hotel room any day! We had all we needed, right in Lola. A cooler, a grill, our radio, our dvd player, pillows, and a nice cool breeze....and well as fellow VW lovers right next door! What. a. Blast! I truly cannot wait to do it again!!!

To end the weekend of firsts, on Sunday No Dough had arranged a "No Cash Beach Bash" which was a gathering of VW's on the beach in Daytona Shores. One of the only beaches in the USA where you can actually drive ON the beach! And it was PHENOMENAL!! I am a beach girl, though and through, as well as a car lover! I can think of no better combination than this. It was like having your home right on the beach! During high tide, the water literally was probably 40 feet from the parking area! (Thankfully, it was low tide the majority of our nearly 6 hours on the beach!)

This weekend was an adventure of a lifetime......and marks the beginning of many more road trips like these, driving the backroads, making random stops to sightsee, camping in our VW Bus......and enjoying life together, as a family.

Oh - and one final first to mention: I got my first sunburn - behind my knees!! A painful first, but still....

Heartbreaks

Recently I was telling my son a story of when he was a year or two younger. He's currently 6 (or 6 1/2 if you were to ask him.) He'd woken up one Saturday morning, and crawled into my bed, and under the covers, snuggled under the blanket and quietly closed his eyes, so not to disturb his still somewhat sleeping mother. (You know Mom's are never completely asleep when their children are awake.)

We laid in bed awhile longer, pretend sleeping, mostly. When I popped up, so did my son and the story telling began.

I shared with him how a year or maybe two ago, he used to come into my room when he woke up, he used to crawl up into my bed and "wake" me with a kiss. He proceeded to tell me that he was now in "the first grade" and this was no longer the "cool" thing to do. Really? At the age of 6?!? Wow!!! Do children grow up far too fast these days. (Shhh! Don't tell, but I still get to tuck him in at night and smother him with kisses, in which he "saves"!!!)

My heart broke a little more with this news, one less kiss for Mommy!

Writer's Block

Recently, I volunteered to write a post for a friend's blog. The topic..."Parenting." (Who can't comment on that topic, even if you don't consider yourself a "writer." 


Now, I love to write, but don't consider myself the "world's greatest writer" either. I do it for the pure pleasure of it. It's the best way for me to get my thoughts (and sometimes, emotions) out. 


I was super-excited to be volunteering for this project! Parenting~Writing! Both of which I LOVE!!! So why is it, I suddenly drew a BLANK when I got to the computer!?!? 6 days till the deadline, 5 days, 4 days, and on and on. The day before...finally, after writing and rewriting about three times, I came up with something I considered "acceptable!" (And my friend, she LOVED it!) I felt like I was rambling, and, typical of me, going off-topic. 


So if you wish to check it out, it should be up in the next few days, BUT you have to go to her site to read it, it won't be posted here! http://sheilasheart.com


Take a peek, it's a great site! Encouraging, inspirational, fun! 

-Parenting- The Lesson Of Life & Death

Today has been the hardest day I've ever had as a parent...............and I've been a Mommy for six years now! Today's unfortunate lesson was "life and death." 


I received a call from my son's school this afternoon-one of those mass recordings from the principal. "It is with a heavy heart...........the passing of one our first grade teachers."  I think I went into shock at that moment. I vaguely remember bits and pieces of the rest of the message. My son is in first grade-he knows all four of the first grade teachers well. This morning, when I dropped him off (I usually walk in with him), I had noticed two of the first grade teachers were out. So now, my mind is racing-who, what?!?! No way, I had just talked with both of them yesterday morning, when I dropped my son off. Shock, tears, lots and lots of tears. In a school full of nearly 600 students, it's quite close-knit. Our school family is tight-knit.....


So letters came home, children will be told by the faculty tomorrow and counseling will be available-I'm sure pretty (Un) standard stuff. But now I had to go home and explain to my 6 year old son why he wouldn't see this particular teacher any longer. My husband and I shared this parental duty and when all was said and done (Phew!) - with only one question asked ("Why won't she be at school anymore?" - how do you explain eternity to a 6 year old?) - we went on with our evening. --- All was seemingly okay (I knew his highly intelligent and analytical mind was processing all this information), until bedtime. It took me well over an hour to get him to sleep. All the emotions and fears came rushing in. And it broke my heart. =( 


Tomorrow will be a big day at school, with counselors on hand, and the sharing of the news of this teacher's unexpected death, I mean we just saw her yesterday! ("thank you, Ms. ___, see you tomorrow! My exact last words to her!) - but for her tomorrow did not come. My heart goes out to her family, friends and the faculty and students.


I am emotionally drained and anticipate my son will be up at some point during the night. His mind was going a mile a minute when he fell asleep. 

-Distraction-

Honestly, I have had SO much going on in my life these days, I don't think I know which way is up ...... or down! =( 


I think each moment of my life is a blur, from the moment I awake at 06,15 until the moment I go to bed, at 23,30 or midnight! Or whenever. 


I don't feel tired, but I think maybe I am too busy to even FEEL tired! Hence the blur....


Our society is so much busier than it used to be when I was a kid. I mean, most kids don't even get a true summer break any longer, with both parents working, it's camp, camp, camp. We were fortunate to be able to play outside and veg out in front of the t.v.


It's a new year - and nearly two months are over- time to revise some things in my life and slow it down. Time to enjoy what really matters. I am striving to make some changes in that regard, praying for some changes. 


My son is 6 - these past six years have gone by in a blur! It breaks my heart whenever he says he wishes I could be home with him when he's off. He's my heart =) ........but I have to work, we're one of the average two income families, blessed to be able to prosper in this economy. And "prosper" is all in your perception as well. 


It's about prioritizing what's important to you? It's about not being busy, just to be busy. We sometimes can do that. We make ourselves busier than need be. This has to come to a stop for me. I made what could have far too busy schedule. I will NOT pack my days with so much STUFF that I can't focus and concentrate and dedicate the time to the things most important to me.


Priorities and most important things come first and all others will just have to wait.

-Working With.....Three Year Olds

This week, I began my field work (aka internship/student teacher) at a local school. I chose to begin in the preschool 3 classroom, as it appears to be the busiest in the afternoons, as well as the early mornings.


In the past four days, I have learned more than I ever thought I could from a three year old, well a bunch of three year olds, anyhow! On average, there are 12-15 children in the classroom at any given time. I've learned the importance of tennis shoes, and how the children notice when I don't have them on! How can you play tag without tennis shoes, Ms. Joy! 


I have learned to improvise, yes, from a three year old! Whatever you have at hand can be used for anything, if only you use your IMAGINATION! Simple blocks have become hairbrushes, as well as nail files (and yes, I was pampered today by a few three year olds-got my hair done, my nails done, my make up done, and even a massage! - Just close your eyes and imagine it! I never felt more relaxed!)


Books can be enjoyed whether you know the words or not, make up your own story! 


I've also learned more about the game ANGRY BIRDS than I ever could have imagined, all from one three year old little boy! How is it that a three year old knows more about a computer game than a 36 year old? His excitement is contagious-and although I have no interest (STILL) in checking the game out, I did go and print off a few Angry Bird coloring sheets. Something so simple made his day!


So yes, although I have experienced having a three year old (mine is now 6 -and a half, if you ask him!), you can learn so much more in a group of them! 


They have captured my heart, each in their own unique way! They've spoiled me with their creative pictures, in which I will need a room just to display them all; their endless hugs, their laughter and joy! 

~Exercising, in Groups.~

I have finally realized why "skinny" girls don't exercise with "not so skinny" girls. (And this is not meant to be offensive, merely an observation.)


-Being a "skinny" girl myself, people often mistake me for being "in-shape!", which I am far from being "in shape." Dare I mention the fact that I need to exercise to another woman, who may not be as skinny as I am! The immediate response is "Why do you need to exercise?" Don't presume just because I am 5' tall and weigh 94 lbs that I am IN SHAPE and don't need exercise because, oh my gosh! "You are so skinny!" "Eat something!" "You don't need to lose weight!" 


I need exercise just as much as the "not so skinny" women do! Just not to lose weight; I admit, I am in no need of that! Some would say I could stand to gain a pound or two, but I am happy just as I am, I just want to be more fit! I need cardio, everyone needs exercise. Size doesn't count and doesn't matter.


Stop making us "skinny girls" feel like we don't need to exercise, encourage yourself, don't discourage us! Yeah, I might burn calories faster than you, but you don't know what I do to maintain my size and weight. 


We should be supporting each other as women, not knocking each other down. So the next time you hear a "skinny girl" mention exercise, don't assume..........just support! 

Um, Yoga Anyone?

In my already crazy, hectic life, I've decided it's time to try something new....something I've been saying for years I've wanted to do. And since I have a goal not only to focus on my family and friends this year but also ME (which is honestly a challenge in itself, because I love to give to others,but have always tended to neglect myself) - I've decided to finally take up YOGA. 


Yes, I said it, Yoga. She who doesn't know how to sit still for a moment is going to take up some yoga....to learn to relax, and meditate, and get some exercise in my life. My life is hectic, as I mentioned.....always running from here to there.....mind constantly going, I need to learn to focus and relax. I'm excited as I will be doing this with a friend and her daughters and my six year old son (who did yoga when he was three, yes, three!!) are joining us as well.


I want to improve my life all around. I've never been much into fitness, though my son thinks I should take up running. (Yeah, like that will ever happen! I didn't like running in P.E. in school; there is NO WAY I will take up running now! And the ripe young age of 36!) 


So I am going to squeeze 15-30 minutes of yoga into my schedule (fingers crossed) daily! And maybe I will finally learn to meditate along the way as well (something else I have been saying for years I would love to do!) I have an active mind-like most women do! And a busy life! What with being a wife, and a mom, and working and going to school! 


I have gone out to gather most of the tools I will need to begin this Yoga venture! I'm not joining any class - way too embarrassing! I just simply want to do this on my own, with close friends. And what better way is there to bond with your child, than to exercise! 


It's NEVER too late to learn something new! And I can't wait to get this started! Yoga-expert here I come. (Ok, the "expert" part is really pushing it!)


More to come!








P.S. - So this morning, while on my way into work, I stopped by the Thrift Store (which I do on the rare occassion.) I had hopes of maybe finding an inexpensive yoga DVD, just in case my wonderful plans of sticking with this fall through, I won't have spent too much money! Well, I didn't find a DVD (yet!) but I did find a nice book educating one about yoga! All for the low price (wait, take a guess!) Ok....now I'll tell, $.49 - yes, 49 cents! And it was BRAND NEW! Nice!! I can't wait to get that DVD and get to Yoga-ing! 

~The Skinny Jeans Dilemma~

Some of you may know how fashionably challenged I am. However (finally) at the young age of 36, I have somehow grown the liking of the idea of becoming more fashionable, with my clothes, and my hair, and my make up.

My latest dilemma is with skinny jeans. I, personally, think I look perfectly cute in them.  I mean I do realize that skinny jeans are not just for skinny girls like me.

In my quest to become more fashionable, I picked up a pair of perfect-fitting (and perfectly comfortable, much to my surprise!) skinny jeans. My dear husband however has said I am far too skinny for my cute looking skinny jeans, so I thought to myself, why not take a poll!? I think I look perfectly "cute" - maybe not with my Converse, but with some boots? Like the ones I have on? Or some others?

Isn't fashion also about feeling comfortable and confident with what you're in?

-La Cucina di Gioia!-

So every now and then, I like to think I am a professional chef! I love to try my hand at a new recipe every now and then! (But never will you catch  me baking anything from scratch!) I love food which means I love to eat! 


Tonight I decided to cook up a pan of Chicken Piccata, the bonus to this recipe is that the ingredients called for wine! (Which means, while preparing, I could indulge in a nice glass of white wine! Hey! Who wouldn't sneak a glass out of an open bottle of wine!) 


I made mine without the capers- as I really don't like them at all!! I know they add some flavor, but the look and consistency of then, well, I just can't be bothered with them! And while I read the ingredient list several times, I missed the fact that I needed a whole lemon to slice up, so I could make the dish look even prettier!


For all my Mom's out there, who have so little time to prepare a nice, healthy meal, this one took less than thirty minutes to make! And my six year old absolutely loved it! Plus, it's fairly cheap to make and you will probably have the majority of the ingredients already in you cupboard! If you've never cooked anything with capers, I would recommend trying it out, you just might like it! 


Buon Appetito, as we say in Italy! 

~Celebrating Epiphany, Italian Style

January 5th-the eve of Epiphany and nearly the end of the Christmas season in Italy, as well as much of Europe.


January 6th is Epiphany, the celebration of the 12th day of Christmas, when the three wise men arrived to see Baby Jesus, bearing gifts of frankincense, myrrh, and gold. 


The legend of La Befana originates in central Italy. La Befana is a witch, who flies around on her broomstick, delivering small goodies to children who were good and lumps of coal - literally made out of (black) sugar - to those who were not so good on the eve of Ephiphany. (In my days of living in Italy as a teenager, I saw many a friend get coal in their shoes or stocking.) 


Legend has it that while the wise men were in search of Baby Jesus in the manger, they stopped to ask an old lady for directions. They also asked her to go with them to greet the newborn King. She declined, but later decided to follow them. Along the way, she got lost and never found the manger.


Now on the eve of every Epiphany, La Befana can be seen flying around on her broomstick, still in search of the manger and Baby Jesus, as she delivers small gifts to the children of Italy. Leave your shoes out on the eve of Epiphany for the arrival of La Befana, on her broom. But as with Santa, be sure you go to bed.....as La Befana passes over any homes where children may still be awake. 


(P.S.) La Befana prefers wine to Santa's milk!!! So be sure to leave some out on the 5th of January before you head to bed! ~White wine preferable!

Lesson One: Driving a Stick Shift

What a way to begin the new year! Learning something new....I've begun a list of things I would like to do not only in 2012 but in the years to come. One that's been on the list for quite some time (years, in fact!) is to learn how to drive a manual transmission-a.k.a stick shift.

Today, while out shopping for a new kitchen faucet (in which I/we did not buy) I got an impromptu lesson in "Lola" - our '73 Volkswagen Bus. I will admit that I'd had a few brief lessons before, but it was many many years ago-and they weren't consistent, so when it came time for me to slide on over to the drivers seat today, I felt completely lost.

Okay, deep breath, and another deep breath...adjust the seat...and adjust it again........in driving a '98 Lexus with the fancy automatic, electric adjustments, there are many options to get your seat "just right." In the oldies, with the little handle that you pull and then slide your seat forward as you pull the lever, you have only a few options. So now, I am literally sitting on top of the steering wheel and my side mirror, well, at this point, it's basically useless as I am sitting farther forward than it is!

Honestly I think the first thing anyone should do is just seat in the drivers seat, with their hand on the shift knob - engine off! - and just feel the gears, get used to the shifter. Close your eyes for a moment and just feel it; first, neutral, second, neutral, third, neutral, fourth.....and well, in the VW, that's all you get-besides reverse, which is where we almost headed first! Driving a manual transmission vehicle is like a dance or a symphony.........left foot on the clutch, press down...shift to first, right foot on the gas, slowly; left foot let's off the clutch, slowly...........and so on. When the gas pedal is down, the clutch should be up. Ah, the brakes! Depress clutch pedal and the brake at the same time! Each time you shift, your foot must be off the gas and on the clutch. How many times today did I keep my foot on the gas and shift...hey, when you drive an automatic, letting off the gas means the car comes to a stop. (Yes, even on a manual transmission, the car will come to a stop if you don't shift fast enough.)

I did have a chance to come to a stop - several times - on a hill today as well. Always an exciting challenge, I was a nervous wreck! Thank God we were in an empty parking lot - at least for a little while! Definitely, I rolled back, but seemingly, not so far! Oh the difference it makes when in traffic! I drove home from the empty school lot - about a 4-5 mile drive! I wish I'd had flashing lights on the back window with a sign in lights saying "New Manual Driver on Board, Keep your Distance!"

Admittedly, I think I was less of a nervous wreck while out in traffic (ok - very few cars were out at the time!) I mean, when someone's behind you, you just have to do it! There's not much thinking at that point, it all comes natural. Did I miss a gear in that drive home every now and then, you betcha! Did I roll back, well, not so much! But if you see a short brunette in a white '73 VW Bus, I would keep my distance, it just might be me, out on my second lesson!

And I really really want to thank Volkswagen for creating the Bus with the almost non-stallable transmission! I stalled it only once, and that was because, well, I didn't give it enough gas! Thanks, Volkswagen! You give this girl much more confidence!

New Year......New Things

January 1st, 2012...two-thousand-and twelve?!? Where did two-thousand-and-eleven go? The years fly by, with no consideration for us! What are your plans for 2012? Mentally, I have been creating a list of things I want to do in my lifetime, some are simple and others more complex. I wonder how many I will be able to achieve in this new year?


I am not a believer in making new years resolutions, as a month into the year, they always seem to go by the wayside. The excitement of new years eve is over......we're back into a regular routine of work, family, school, and life. 


Each year should be better than the last.....do something for yourself. Find a new hobby, re-enjoy an old one. Make time for your family and friends. In such a fast paced society, sometimes we get so busy, we don't leave time for the important things.


My plans this year will be to continue to focus on building relationships with my family and friends, as this is most fulfilling to me. I will also be working on my "list" and trying to accomplish as many new things as I can. (Naturally, with my camera in hand!) 


One big goal is to take less photographs, but more meaningful ones! 


**Happy New Year to all! May 2012 be the best year, yet!