The Stigma of Depression

I recently spoke with a friend who is having some {temporary}emotional challenges. 

As women in this current society, so much more is laid upon out shoulders. We are wives, we are mothers, we have demanding careers. We give...until we can give no more. And then, we are empty, overwhelmed with life. We want to curl up in bed and cry and hide away from the world. We want to scream. But instead, we put on that smile and pretend that everything is okay. We are strong. We can do this. We are masters at disguising our true emotions. We are nearing melt-down stage, but we have to hold it together. What will people think? If we break down and cry? We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. 

Many women endur this. But because society casts such a negative stigma on depression, we hide away. We fear judgement. We fear what others may think. We put our health aside....for fear of judgement. We prolong these feelings.

My friend is Christian, has a deep faith and belief in God, but feels because she is dealing with this emotional turmoil, she feels less of a Christian. As a Christian woman myself, who has battled depression and anxiety, I understand her feelings. The Christian faith preaches that we bring the depression on ourselves,they  judge us just as harshly. "If you believe in God, if you have faith in God, there should be no emotional nor mental battle." But you see, depression and anxiety are truly clinical diagnoses. It has nothing to do with the strength in your belief system. We need support, from Christians as well as non-Christians. We need to be able to reach out when we are drowning. This is real life. God never said it would be easy. But He did say we should love one another and not cast judgement. 

My heart broke when I heard my friend say this. Because I know her heart and I know how strong her relationship with God is. 

We need to end the stigma. We need open dialogue for support and healing. 

Depression and anxiety are REAL.

-Am I Crazy?_

"Am I crazy?" I asked myself, over and over again. The way I felt, mentally, emotionally and physically made me think I was crazy. It made me feel ALONE. I was scared....and alone. Even the doctors discounted it.

Nearly a year after the birth of my child, deep depression hit...and anxiety combined with panic attacks. I was spinning out of control. It had to be my oral birth control. But no. "Here." The doctors said. "Take this." They said, pushing more antidepressants at me. "No." I said. "I don't want them. What is causing this?" I asked. Over and over again. No answers. I battled this for a couple of years. The anxiety was the worst. The panic attacks left me dehabilitated. I could not function. My oral birth control had been switched from brand to brand to brand. No one would HEAR me nor listen. Until finally, I encountered a nurse practitioner who listened. "Stop the birth control." She said. "Let's see what happens." I did. I saw a new gynecologist. Who listened. I stayed off the birth control for 6 years or so. Maybe less. I can't recall. My gynecologist gave me vitamins to calm me. Natural remedies. No more pushing antidepressants. No more added hormones. It took some time, but I finally began to feel better. No more crying all day. No more fear-gripping anxiety. Until now. 

Three months ago, I decided to give some low dose oral birth control a try...again...I do not wish to have any more children. I am DONE. I feel strongly about this. And I'm at peace with this. I could not handle pregnancy.......not emotionally nor mentally. All the hormonal ups and downs and changes....this oral birth control is making me feel crazy again. Filled with anxiety. Filled with panic. Filled with fear and paranoia. There is a rational side of me and a very irrational side of me.

Yes. This is real. Yes. You are not alone. I imagine many women have been here and have gone through the same. The physical symptoms of the anxiety alone are frightening. The mood swings are equally frightful. I have a 9-year old son and a husband. I cannot go through this again. So I wait. Patiently for my doctor to give me a viable alternative. I am through with added  hormones. I am threw with this. I am scared. I feel alone. I feel.....crazy. Yes. I do. But I know I am not. I've been here before.

I encourage you to find someone who will listen. Someone you can trust. Know you are NOT alone in the way you feel.