Learning to Shift.

Tackling new things already on this first day of *2014.* Learning to shift. This could be applied to not just learning to drive a manual transmission but to life as well.

I made my first solo run today in my 1969 Volkswagen Type III Square Back, lovingly named Penelope. A somewhat nail-biting experience as I stalled out not once but twice with a car behind me, on a hill, rolling backwards! But the confidence level I had while driving her today was amazing! I was doing it!

The thing with driving a manual transmission car is that you have to be in tuned to the cues from the engine and know when to shift. Just as in life...one has to pay attention to what is going on around them and know when to shift, when to make that change, so that everything is back in balance. It's a dance of sorts. Clutch in + brake pedal to stop. Clutch in, foot off gas pedal to change gears. It's rhythm, a dance...it all works together to keep things in balance, to keep things moving forward in a healthy manner.

The same principle can be applied to life. Listen closely for when things are out of balance, they are telling you it's time to shift gears.

Have you ever done something and then just wondered, "Why in the hell did I do that?" 

At the time, it might have seemed like the right thing to do, but then afterwards, no matter how right it seemed, it seemed dumb?  

I am the type to think things through before acting or deciding...sometimes to a fault....I can also overthink and over-analyze as well, often.  I'm accused often of not being "boring" and not very spontaneous.

I tend to be cautious and once I find that "safe zone", not move far from it. After all, safety keeps one from getting hurt...right?  It also keeps one from personal growth as well as new life experiences, be then positive or not-so-positive. It's not really "living" when you play it safe all the time, is it? One has to go through hurts and disappointments in life. One has to learn it's okay to feel. Yes. It's okay to feel. Whether it be happiness or sadness, anger or frustration. At times, it's just the intensity of these feelings that make life worth experiencing...and truly living. One should never be afraid to feel, truly feel. Feels can be intense and frightening but they can also be intense and exciting.

If you fall down in life, or get hurt, get back up. Experience Life. Enjoy Life. Feel. Happiness. Sadness. Pain. HeartBreaks. Whatever it is....allow yourself to feel.

Life will be better because of it.

Don't think too much, but don't think too little. Some of life's best experiences are not the well-thought out ones, but the ones where you just "go with the flow."

Try it. And let me know how it goes for you. I promise, it will be okay. 

---October. Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

I. Am. A. Survivor.

I shared the "cliff notes" version of my story briefly yesterday at work with a guy friend. He. Was. Shocked. And at first, was in disbelief that it happened to me. Yes. It. Did. 19 years ago. I left. Somehow. And somehow, I am here today to share my story. I am not the same person as I was then.

I. Am. A. Survivor. Not a Victim. It happened to me. I lived it, a nightmare, day in and day out. Stalked, beat, raped. Name it. Yes. It. Happened. To Me.

It's October again. Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Often overlooked. We should do more. I should do more. Women, Children, Families are suffering because of this. We must educate our young ladies, our young men. We must be vigilant, proactive. We must make Domestic Violence Awareness known. It is a serious matter. It's not a game, it's not a joke. Lives are at risk. It affects ALL of us, whether directly or indirectly.

Please support your local women's shelters. Donate. Volunteer. Educate.

Purple is the color. Wear it. If you are a survivor, wear it proudly! Share your story. You never know who it might help.

-Giving.

Is it possible? To give too much? 

Is it possible to give so much, you can give no more?

Is it possible to burn yourself out from giving?

I can answer this for you. 

I am a "giver;" a "caretaker" if you will. It is possible. And I've been there.

Burnt out. Gave so much. With no one to replenish me along the way and no time to stop to replenish myself.

Giving of yourself is and should be a positive thing.

I fully believe one should give, their time, their talents,their love, their friendship. 

In giving, one should definitely have set personal boundaries as well as the ability to say "no."

You see as a giver or a caretaker, one can over-give easily without these. 

And when you over give, you can easily become stressed out, overburdened, overwhelmed. It's not a good feeling. 

Giving should be pleasurable. Giving of yourself in whatever aspect it might be should feel rewarding. It should never feel like a chore, a burden. 

Balance your giving. Balance yourself. Balance your life. And give. 

{Be You.}

"It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not." Mr. 62 (aka: Benny Garcia)

So often, in our society, we are busy trying to be what others want us to be.

Living up to others ideals of who we should be.

We forget to be ourselves. We think by achieving others' approvals, we will find happiness. 

We lose ourselves in the search for constant approval. We think by conforming to what others believe, we will gain their friendship, their love. But we are only fooling ourselves.

Why be someone you're not?

I spent many (many) years trying to gain approval. I spent many years trying to "fit in." What exactly does it mean to "fit in" anyhow? Aren't we all unique and individuals?  We fake who we are to fit in, we change who we are in different situations. None of this is necessary. You only make it harder on yourself. Watch and see how always being the "real" you changes your state if mind and state if happiness. 

Aren't quite sure who you are? It's okay. Spend some time alone, discovering yourself. Set your own expectations for yourself, and live up to them.

Ultimately, who cares what others think of you? Their opinions Don't. Matter. The only one who does is your opinion, your thoughts of yourself.

Be yourself...always. Don't change or compromise for anyone. Love yourself, like yourself. Be true to yourself. It will make a difference.

Watch. And. See.

....What's Stopping You?

What's Stopping You?

Life is short. Live in the moment. Be present. 

Create memories. Do something new each and every day.

What's Stopping You? 

Fear? Money? Lack of support? Lack of knowledge?

Make. It. Happen.

Don't let anything stop you from achieving your goals. Live life to the fullest.

.....Think about it: What's Stopping You? Overcome those obstacles, any way you can. 

......Just Friends?

I am not certain sometimes how these conversations begin. Recently, a friend posed this question: Can men and women be JUST friends?

You would think this would be a simple "yes or no" question and one would move on to another topic from there. Nope. Not really that simple. Or is it? 

My thoughts were this. We're talking about grown up's here. Not kids. Grown Ups. So my answer is yes. They can. Why not? 

I've posed this question to several friends since this conversation. Most  have said yes. As long as they've never dated...or been intimate to any degree. I can see where that would be true. If it's simply platonic. Yes. They can. If they were intimate to any degree, I can see where things might become slightly more complicated within the friendship. The parties involved would need to know where to draw the line. Ultimately though, it's up to the parties involved to define their relationship.

Every relationship - platonic or not - involves boundaries, rules of sort. Establish those boundaries and run with it. The women I polled said they love the input they get from their guy friends. It isn't a perspective we, as women, have. And vice versa. I mean come on men, your conversation involves the latest football statistics when you get together. You. Need. Us. Platonically. Who else are you going to have deep meaningful conversations with?! And yes, we need you too, men. You have perspectives on things we just don't understand. Opposite sex friendships work.

My thoughts are this. It's up to you. No one else has the right to judge your friendship(s.) Each of us define our own friendships. Who cares what others think and assume. We all know what "they" say about assumptions anyways. Do what works for you. Create your own relationships and stop worrying about what others think.

Live YOUR life. Do what's best for you.