What is your biggest dream?
The one that scares you the most?
The one that you think you can never achieve?
The one that haunts you, night and day, and invades your every thought?
What? Is? It? And what do you plan to do about it?
Are you going to allow it to plague you? Or are you going to do something to make it happen?
Are you going to live life with the regret of never even making an attempt at making your dream(s) come true? Are you going to pretend it doesn't exist?
Go after it! Make it happen! It's waiting for you!!
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9.18.2014
---I Wish---
I wish you peace.
I wish your dreams come true.
I wish you hope and happiness.
I wish you unconditional, passionate love.
I wish you joy deep within.
I wish you friendship that lasts a lifetime.
I wish you well.
I wish you health.
I wish you all the great things this world & life have to offer.
I wish...
8.11.2014
My Battle with Depression
I am compelled to share my story of depression and anxiety and depression.....I've battled with it over the years and I am not afraid to admit it. There comes a time when we have to talk about it, to share our experiences.
Often we fear the stigma and the judgement when dealing with such a diagnosis. Someone tonight likened depression to a prison, a personal prison. No one really knows your in there....that prison. It is all-consuming...when help is not sought. It's debilitating, it can alter your life and the life of everyone around you.
Yes. Depression is scary. Yes. You may feel out of control at times. You may wish to crawl into bed and never come out. You may just wish to be invisible rather than carrying that fake smile with you wherever you go. But you have to keep on moving, you have to reach up, even when you feel it's hopeless, even when you feel like there is no way out, no end in sight. Reach out. Ask for help. I battled alone for years...not realizing I was depressed. As a teenager, who thinks of depression. The word, I am sure, was not even in my vocabulary. But looking back, all those nights I sat alone and cried uncontrollable tears.......I see I was depressed....but was too afraid to show my emotions to anyone else so I suffered alone, in silence. Depression led me to an unhealthy relationship which in turn spiraled my depression into more. I sought counseling...but never really dealt with the issues. I felt better but it was just on the surface better. It was not deep-down I am healed better. I touched on the domestic violence relationship and mostly dealt with the "why's" of that than myself. Feeling better. I ended that round of therapy. But I was still depressed. I couldn't eat. I lost weight. I wore that "everything is perfectly fine" smile. You know that fake one, the one most, except for your closest friends, fall for. And even sometimes, you can fool them. By acting if all is normal. I was a young adult, I didn't talk about feelings, emotions. I just pushed them aside, deep down, and went about my life as if all was normal, all was well.
And then there were the adult years with depression and anxiety and panic attacks. I sought help, I reached out to everyone I knew that would support me and lift me up. I sought counseling, yet still refusing medication, I fought with therapy, lots and lots of counseling. Talk therapy. Cognitive behavior therapy. I cried. A lot. I wanted to lock myself in the closet. Depression was induced by a sense of overwhelming change and added hormones to my life. I felt trapped. I felt like I could not escape. I felt hopeless, I felt lost. I felt alone. But I reached out, not caring what others thought...I just knew I needed help and I needed to talk and share. I needed to know I was not alone and that others have been there. And I learned so much about myself, about depression, about anxiety and hopeless fear. During that time, I also experienced my first panic attack. That was the most scariest thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. I thought I was going to die. The gripping fear, unable to breath, I could not think, I could not focus. I could not sit still. Panic consumed me, fear gripped at me and would not let go. I could deal with depression but panic attacks took on a whole new life. I was constantly afraid; afraid to leave the house in fear that something might happen to me, afraid to leave work and be alone during the commute home. My safe place, my cocoon was my bed. To some degree, when I am feeling anxious, it still is. I fought it - with therapy - and support from friends and loved ones. And I conquered it.
But depression crept back in again.....It's a constant cycle it seems. I am aware of my emotions, of how I am feeling of what I am going through. I attempt to find balance, to find that calm place where I can be in touch with my emotions and ride the wave of anxiety. It's scary, yes. But it is manageable with the right tools, with the right support, medication, therapy, you can defeat depression. But you have to ask for help. You are not alone. You are never alone. Many have been through it. Many more will go through it.
Keep breathing, keep moving forward, hold on.
Often we fear the stigma and the judgement when dealing with such a diagnosis. Someone tonight likened depression to a prison, a personal prison. No one really knows your in there....that prison. It is all-consuming...when help is not sought. It's debilitating, it can alter your life and the life of everyone around you.
Yes. Depression is scary. Yes. You may feel out of control at times. You may wish to crawl into bed and never come out. You may just wish to be invisible rather than carrying that fake smile with you wherever you go. But you have to keep on moving, you have to reach up, even when you feel it's hopeless, even when you feel like there is no way out, no end in sight. Reach out. Ask for help. I battled alone for years...not realizing I was depressed. As a teenager, who thinks of depression. The word, I am sure, was not even in my vocabulary. But looking back, all those nights I sat alone and cried uncontrollable tears.......I see I was depressed....but was too afraid to show my emotions to anyone else so I suffered alone, in silence. Depression led me to an unhealthy relationship which in turn spiraled my depression into more. I sought counseling...but never really dealt with the issues. I felt better but it was just on the surface better. It was not deep-down I am healed better. I touched on the domestic violence relationship and mostly dealt with the "why's" of that than myself. Feeling better. I ended that round of therapy. But I was still depressed. I couldn't eat. I lost weight. I wore that "everything is perfectly fine" smile. You know that fake one, the one most, except for your closest friends, fall for. And even sometimes, you can fool them. By acting if all is normal. I was a young adult, I didn't talk about feelings, emotions. I just pushed them aside, deep down, and went about my life as if all was normal, all was well.
And then there were the adult years with depression and anxiety and panic attacks. I sought help, I reached out to everyone I knew that would support me and lift me up. I sought counseling, yet still refusing medication, I fought with therapy, lots and lots of counseling. Talk therapy. Cognitive behavior therapy. I cried. A lot. I wanted to lock myself in the closet. Depression was induced by a sense of overwhelming change and added hormones to my life. I felt trapped. I felt like I could not escape. I felt hopeless, I felt lost. I felt alone. But I reached out, not caring what others thought...I just knew I needed help and I needed to talk and share. I needed to know I was not alone and that others have been there. And I learned so much about myself, about depression, about anxiety and hopeless fear. During that time, I also experienced my first panic attack. That was the most scariest thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. I thought I was going to die. The gripping fear, unable to breath, I could not think, I could not focus. I could not sit still. Panic consumed me, fear gripped at me and would not let go. I could deal with depression but panic attacks took on a whole new life. I was constantly afraid; afraid to leave the house in fear that something might happen to me, afraid to leave work and be alone during the commute home. My safe place, my cocoon was my bed. To some degree, when I am feeling anxious, it still is. I fought it - with therapy - and support from friends and loved ones. And I conquered it.
But depression crept back in again.....It's a constant cycle it seems. I am aware of my emotions, of how I am feeling of what I am going through. I attempt to find balance, to find that calm place where I can be in touch with my emotions and ride the wave of anxiety. It's scary, yes. But it is manageable with the right tools, with the right support, medication, therapy, you can defeat depression. But you have to ask for help. You are not alone. You are never alone. Many have been through it. Many more will go through it.
Keep breathing, keep moving forward, hold on.
-Depression Is Serious.-
Today we learn of the passing of Robin Williams, who suffered from depression. Death by alleged suicide. Sadly, depression is a serious illness and can take lives just as easily as a physical illness.
Sadly though, depression is not well-discussed. Many suffer alone, in silence. Depression has a stigma. Long ago, the depressed were considered "crazy" (which is not an actual medical diagnosis by any means) and were locked away in an insane asylum. Depression is treatable, it is manageable. But we have to be able to have the "depression discussion" - safely without fear of judgement.
Depression is treatable with medications as well as therapy. It's healing to share, to talk openly rather than hide away behind that fake "everything is just fine smile." You know the smile.
Ask for help. Don't try and manage it all alone. Others have been there too. Support one another, lean on each other. Be there for emotional and physical support.
Depression is real. It is serious. And it hurts many.
Sadly though, depression is not well-discussed. Many suffer alone, in silence. Depression has a stigma. Long ago, the depressed were considered "crazy" (which is not an actual medical diagnosis by any means) and were locked away in an insane asylum. Depression is treatable, it is manageable. But we have to be able to have the "depression discussion" - safely without fear of judgement.
Depression is treatable with medications as well as therapy. It's healing to share, to talk openly rather than hide away behind that fake "everything is just fine smile." You know the smile.
Ask for help. Don't try and manage it all alone. Others have been there too. Support one another, lean on each other. Be there for emotional and physical support.
Depression is real. It is serious. And it hurts many.
7.30.2014
The Stigma of Depression
I recently spoke with a friend who is having some {temporary}emotional challenges.
As women in this current society, so much more is laid upon out shoulders. We are wives, we are mothers, we have demanding careers. We give...until we can give no more. And then, we are empty, overwhelmed with life. We want to curl up in bed and cry and hide away from the world. We want to scream. But instead, we put on that smile and pretend that everything is okay. We are strong. We can do this. We are masters at disguising our true emotions. We are nearing melt-down stage, but we have to hold it together. What will people think? If we break down and cry? We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders.
Many women endur this. But because society casts such a negative stigma on depression, we hide away. We fear judgement. We fear what others may think. We put our health aside....for fear of judgement. We prolong these feelings.
My friend is Christian, has a deep faith and belief in God, but feels because she is dealing with this emotional turmoil, she feels less of a Christian. As a Christian woman myself, who has battled depression and anxiety, I understand her feelings. The Christian faith preaches that we bring the depression on ourselves,they judge us just as harshly. "If you believe in God, if you have faith in God, there should be no emotional nor mental battle." But you see, depression and anxiety are truly clinical diagnoses. It has nothing to do with the strength in your belief system. We need support, from Christians as well as non-Christians. We need to be able to reach out when we are drowning. This is real life. God never said it would be easy. But He did say we should love one another and not cast judgement.
My heart broke when I heard my friend say this. Because I know her heart and I know how strong her relationship with God is.
We need to end the stigma. We need open dialogue for support and healing.
Depression and anxiety are REAL.
7.23.2014
-Am I Crazy?_
"Am I crazy?" I asked myself, over and over again. The way I felt, mentally, emotionally and physically made me think I was crazy. It made me feel ALONE. I was scared....and alone. Even the doctors discounted it.
Nearly a year after the birth of my child, deep depression hit...and anxiety combined with panic attacks. I was spinning out of control. It had to be my oral birth control. But no. "Here." The doctors said. "Take this." They said, pushing more antidepressants at me. "No." I said. "I don't want them. What is causing this?" I asked. Over and over again. No answers. I battled this for a couple of years. The anxiety was the worst. The panic attacks left me dehabilitated. I could not function. My oral birth control had been switched from brand to brand to brand. No one would HEAR me nor listen. Until finally, I encountered a nurse practitioner who listened. "Stop the birth control." She said. "Let's see what happens." I did. I saw a new gynecologist. Who listened. I stayed off the birth control for 6 years or so. Maybe less. I can't recall. My gynecologist gave me vitamins to calm me. Natural remedies. No more pushing antidepressants. No more added hormones. It took some time, but I finally began to feel better. No more crying all day. No more fear-gripping anxiety. Until now.
Three months ago, I decided to give some low dose oral birth control a try...again...I do not wish to have any more children. I am DONE. I feel strongly about this. And I'm at peace with this. I could not handle pregnancy.......not emotionally nor mentally. All the hormonal ups and downs and changes....this oral birth control is making me feel crazy again. Filled with anxiety. Filled with panic. Filled with fear and paranoia. There is a rational side of me and a very irrational side of me.
Yes. This is real. Yes. You are not alone. I imagine many women have been here and have gone through the same. The physical symptoms of the anxiety alone are frightening. The mood swings are equally frightful. I have a 9-year old son and a husband. I cannot go through this again. So I wait. Patiently for my doctor to give me a viable alternative. I am through with added hormones. I am threw with this. I am scared. I feel alone. I feel.....crazy. Yes. I do. But I know I am not. I've been here before.
I encourage you to find someone who will listen. Someone you can trust. Know you are NOT alone in the way you feel.
4.18.2014
Seeking Freedom.
Imagine wanting freedom and a new life so desperately, so badly that you build a boat out of plastic containers and some wood. And attempt to sail nearly 600 miles to freedom? Can you? Imagine?
Most of us reading this probably cannot. We live in free countries.
While visiting the Ponce de Leon Inlet Lighthouse, I viewed for the first time in my life a Cuban boat, well, not just one but three. All using the same basic materials. Plastic containers and some wood. And an engine. Not a high-powered engine, mind you. No covering. In the Atlantic Ocean. On basically a raft.
Seeing this raft touched me in ways I can't describe. Did they survive? Did they make it to freedom only to be sent away? Are they living happily in the United States now, free?
America brags about its democracy, it's freedom, yet we tend to be a bit selfish when it comes to immigrants seeking the same rights and freedoms we have.
Do these images touch you in any way? Do they make you think?
Most of us reading this probably cannot. We live in free countries.
While visiting the Ponce de Leon Inlet Lighthouse, I viewed for the first time in my life a Cuban boat, well, not just one but three. All using the same basic materials. Plastic containers and some wood. And an engine. Not a high-powered engine, mind you. No covering. In the Atlantic Ocean. On basically a raft.
Seeing this raft touched me in ways I can't describe. Did they survive? Did they make it to freedom only to be sent away? Are they living happily in the United States now, free?
America brags about its democracy, it's freedom, yet we tend to be a bit selfish when it comes to immigrants seeking the same rights and freedoms we have.
Do these images touch you in any way? Do they make you think?
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