-Just. Remember. To. Breath. -

If one has never had or experienced extreme level anxiety, then it would be difficult for one to understand how dehabilitating it can be. It's nearly like a prison within yourself.

I've suffered from anxiety - on a severe level - add depression with the ever-so-frequent panic attack and it's a recipe for a near disaster. Trapped. Inside. Yourself.

Your chest feels like an elephant is sitting on it. You think you can't breath. When my anxiety level begins to rise (and I know when it is because suddenly my heart rate increases, my chest feels tight and heavy and I feel short of breath), I continue to remind myself to "Breath." Breath. In. Deeply. 

Breathing in deep is truly the way we are supposed to breath - not the shallow breaths most of us take. Deep breaths are calming, cleansing, soothing. Deep breaths heal the anxiety. 

Severe anxiety is no laughing matter. It's. Serious. It's scary. One feels helpless at times. Dehabilitating. Very Much So. Because you feel alone...as though no one else is or has gone through this. Many have. And many will. And it's okay to talk about it, share how you feel about it. It's healing as well. 

So next time you feel like the world is closing in on you....stop and remind yourself to "Just. Breath. Breath in Deeply. And Exhale." Before you know it, you will feel better.

Passion + Pain or Passion without Pain?

Today's "food for thought" question is this: I heard this said today and I quote (though not necessarily word for word here) "You can't have passion without pain."

I nearly was quick to disagree but then, I got to thinking. Is this really an untrue statement? Truly, it depends on what situation we apply this statement to.

If we apply this to something we are passionate about doing such as music or art or photography, I can see where the possibility of "pain" could potentially be beneficial. Pain can sometimes be that drive to push harder in your writings,  your art, your music. It can be that initiative to write that new song. Take that new photo. It can also keep you from achieving those dreams, those goals.

Artists are very passionate people. Passion is their driving force behind their creativity. But could pain also be their partner? Some of the most beautiful songs have been written out of pain. Listen to the lyrics. And some of the most beautiful paintings, also the same.

Then there's those things that are simply created out of joy. Passion + Pain? Or Passion without Pain? What do you think?

Recently, I had not only my palms read but my cards as well. I was absolutely shocked at the things she knew about me...so specifically. She was incredibly detailed and really got me to thinking.  About a lot of things. Seriously. How did she know so much? Am I that readable? Do I need to put on my poker face?

I went in with an open mind...completely ready to hear what she had to say. And she said a lot, in such a little time. Things confirmed that I need to continue to work towards. She confirmed that I am on the right path; that I shouldn't give up and keep moving, despite any distractions that may come my way, despite the negativity around me.

We all have distractions. We all have adversity. The thing is: How do you manage it? How do you deal with it?

We're a week into the new year and I am ready for new things. A Newer Me. Changes are coming. Get on board or get off the train.

{48 Hours.}

48 hour fast and detox. Two Days. No Food. Just Juice. Just Juice. Watered down juice: grapefruit, orange, lemon and water. The question was, Could I do it?

My biggest concern was weight-loss. I mean averaging between 89 - 90 pounds, I couldn't afford to lose a pound. Not. One.

Day One: Not so easy. I couldn't stop thinking about food. And my stomach growled so loud....it was insane!! Headache plus lightheadedness and then, it passed, quickly. Just. Keep. Drinking. 8 oz an hour to complete a gallon a day. Two gallons of fluids in TWO DAYS!!??!?! What was I thinking? I kept telling myself I could do this. Don't give up. Detoxing. Cleansing. Not only physically but mentally as well.

Day Two: Wow. I was feeling really good. I woke up ready to take on gallon number two. Yep. Let's get this thing going! :o) No headaches, no food cravings, and this inner peace I hadn't felt in a long time. I even threw some chili in the slow-cooker, that's how good I was feeling! (That was pure torture mind you to smell it cooking ALL night long!)

And then, I drank my last glass of juice last night at about 11:30. It was over. Sleep called and I woke up feeling great. No food cravings. Still feeling mentally at peace.

Detox + Fasting for 48 hours was tough at first but it got easier. And I did lose weight, much to my demise. A pound or so. Which means I will have to eat regularly and healthy too. No chocolate and sweets. I'd like to eliminate the little bit of meat I have in my diet but I'm not quite ready to do that yet.

Starting the new year off with some peaceful, cleansing moments. Followed by some new, healthy goals.

Learning to Shift.

Tackling new things already on this first day of *2014.* Learning to shift. This could be applied to not just learning to drive a manual transmission but to life as well.

I made my first solo run today in my 1969 Volkswagen Type III Square Back, lovingly named Penelope. A somewhat nail-biting experience as I stalled out not once but twice with a car behind me, on a hill, rolling backwards! But the confidence level I had while driving her today was amazing! I was doing it!

The thing with driving a manual transmission car is that you have to be in tuned to the cues from the engine and know when to shift. Just as in life...one has to pay attention to what is going on around them and know when to shift, when to make that change, so that everything is back in balance. It's a dance of sorts. Clutch in + brake pedal to stop. Clutch in, foot off gas pedal to change gears. It's rhythm, a dance...it all works together to keep things in balance, to keep things moving forward in a healthy manner.

The same principle can be applied to life. Listen closely for when things are out of balance, they are telling you it's time to shift gears.

Have you ever done something and then just wondered, "Why in the hell did I do that?" 

At the time, it might have seemed like the right thing to do, but then afterwards, no matter how right it seemed, it seemed dumb?  

I am the type to think things through before acting or deciding...sometimes to a fault....I can also overthink and over-analyze as well, often.  I'm accused often of not being "boring" and not very spontaneous.

I tend to be cautious and once I find that "safe zone", not move far from it. After all, safety keeps one from getting hurt...right?  It also keeps one from personal growth as well as new life experiences, be then positive or not-so-positive. It's not really "living" when you play it safe all the time, is it? One has to go through hurts and disappointments in life. One has to learn it's okay to feel. Yes. It's okay to feel. Whether it be happiness or sadness, anger or frustration. At times, it's just the intensity of these feelings that make life worth experiencing...and truly living. One should never be afraid to feel, truly feel. Feels can be intense and frightening but they can also be intense and exciting.

If you fall down in life, or get hurt, get back up. Experience Life. Enjoy Life. Feel. Happiness. Sadness. Pain. HeartBreaks. Whatever it is....allow yourself to feel.

Life will be better because of it.

Don't think too much, but don't think too little. Some of life's best experiences are not the well-thought out ones, but the ones where you just "go with the flow."

Try it. And let me know how it goes for you. I promise, it will be okay. 

---October. Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

I. Am. A. Survivor.

I shared the "cliff notes" version of my story briefly yesterday at work with a guy friend. He. Was. Shocked. And at first, was in disbelief that it happened to me. Yes. It. Did. 19 years ago. I left. Somehow. And somehow, I am here today to share my story. I am not the same person as I was then.

I. Am. A. Survivor. Not a Victim. It happened to me. I lived it, a nightmare, day in and day out. Stalked, beat, raped. Name it. Yes. It. Happened. To Me.

It's October again. Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Often overlooked. We should do more. I should do more. Women, Children, Families are suffering because of this. We must educate our young ladies, our young men. We must be vigilant, proactive. We must make Domestic Violence Awareness known. It is a serious matter. It's not a game, it's not a joke. Lives are at risk. It affects ALL of us, whether directly or indirectly.

Please support your local women's shelters. Donate. Volunteer. Educate.

Purple is the color. Wear it. If you are a survivor, wear it proudly! Share your story. You never know who it might help.