You Cannot Steal My Joy.

I have never felt the need to cry so much over a move at work.....my "pretend job" as I call it. It's not what I was called to do....I've fulfilled my time and my purpose...I am ready to move on and pursue my passion. But tonight, as this new change comes upon me.....right before my set date/goal to leave...I can't help but mourn this move.

It makes me angry when others try and make you miserable because you are happy......It makes me angry when others just feel the need to f*ck with you, just because....If others wanna be miserable, why can't they be miserable alone? Why try and drag others who are trying to make the best of a sorry situation, who come to work, do their job and still have fun.....despite the madness.....by now, after nearly 13 years, I should know......play the game.....chess moves.....strategize....always keep ahead....they hate it when you get along with someone. Act like you hate each other. But I am just not that way: either I like you or I don't. I am not gonna fake it, either way.

What I can't believe is that I am actually shedding tears over this nonsense. But I am just tired. And impatient for the next steps in my life that will take me out of this situation. I am sad because I have the most awesome-est officemate/friend...ever. One that gets me, one that pushes me on a daily basis to be a better me, one that holds me accountable. In the year, nearly, that we have been officemates, I have grown so much and learned so much about me.

I know bigger and better things are on the horizon, they are within my reach. I have to keep moving, keep focused, keep pressing forward and not allow anyone or anything to convince me otherwise.
I will build my own bubble in my new office space....keep out all the drama and negativity and jealousy out of my space and more importantly my mind and my spirit.

No one can take away what I have. They may think by moving me that they win, again. But once again, I will prove them otherwise. Truly, I am not the one. If they think by moving me, they can steal my joy and focus, they have another thing coming.

I will weather this upcoming storm.....but for now, I remain in mourning of my dear officemate and friend...whom I will see but not have the chance to talk to like once before. All eyes are on us. We. Shall. Shine. No matter what.

What are you Passionate about?

......During a discussion this afternoon with a friend, I posed the ever - so - thought - provoking question: What are you passionate about? What is your passion? What would you be doing RIGHT NOW whether you were paid for it or not?  This is not a question you have to answer for me, but rather for yourself.

For the longest, when I was asked this question, I was stumped. Deer - in - the - headlights look, anyone? Yeah. That was me. I mean I had hobbies....but were they passions? I could never identify my passion(s), my gift(s), my talent(s.) I mean I was always so unsure of myself...of my abilities. How could these ever be my gifts and passion?

The insecurity in our abilities will keep us from pursuing our passions. Those negative influences telling us we will never be successful at whatever our passions are, that it's pointless and we might as well give up....those people keep us from pursuing our passions. The doubt, the fear....all hold us back.

We're not getting any younger, time is slipping by minute by minute, second by second. Do we remain in unsatisfying, dead end jobs? Or do we take the chance and pursue our dreams and passions? Do we surround ourselves with people who will support us and not tear us down? Do we take the chance? Or do we just sit back and hope that one day, things will get better.

It wasn't until two years ago that I realised what my passion(s) were. Despite the late nights and exhaustion, I am pursuing them. I realise I will never live a fulfilling life without them.

Think about it. What will you do? Spend some time meditating. We all have dreams. These dreams are our passions. Rediscover them. Reignite them. Go for it. You have nothing at all to lose.

-Follow your Passion.

What is stopping you from your passion? Whether you do it for the money or purely for the love of your passion, whatever it may be, what is stopping you? Why aren't you giving something towards your passion each and every day?

Even if it's only a few minutes focusing on your passion, why not dedicate a bit of time to it? You'd be amazed at the difference it makes. Five minutes, ten minutes. Do it. Try it. See what happens. I promise you, you will want to devote more time to it each and every day. 

One of my passions happens to be photography...and I shoot nearly daily. When I don't shoot, I have withdrawals. I always have to shoot something, anything. And if I am not shooting, I am looking at other photographer's work or learning something new in Photoshop or LightRoom. I guess you could say I am nearly addicted to my passion. Not a bad thing. 

Passion inspires you to do more, to do better. Passion pushes you. Follow your passion. Go for it. Try it out. Each day. Do it. What do you have to lose?

-Levels of Friendship.

This seems to be a reoccurring topic this week....or these past couple of weeks. How do you know if your friends are truly on your side? If they truly have your back? If they are truly on your team?

How do we weed our true friends from the so-called friends? Should we constantly be questioning others' motives? How can we truly form relationships if we do this?

I do believe there are different levels of friendship. Some friends are in it for the long run. Those are the ones that stand by you through the good and the bad and the in between. They are the ones that you would share your deepest secrets with - and they are the smallest number of your friends. Their motives are pure. They have your back, no matter what. 

Then there are those friends that are not in it for the long run but for only a season....for whatever the reason. They come into your life for a period of time and then, they leave. For some, these friends can be hard to let go.....fear of losing a friend...and the hurt that could follow. But when we realize we are going in different directions and agree to go our separate ways, we grow. 

Then there are those acquaintances, those people we don't share much of our {personal} lives with.....

Different levels of friendships. Different levels of relationships. When things go wrong, we question motives. We question if that person was ever really there for us. When friends grow apart, we feel a sense of loss. 

We cannot go around questioning everyone's motives....we cannot ask what their "angle is" either. Relationships are about trust, no matter what level of friendship it might be. 

With this comes all sorts of emotions, feelings, sometimes hurt, sometimes happiness.

We have to learn to let go of those friends who may be toxic to us. Hold on to the ones that are dear to us.

If I call you my friend, I've got your back - unconditionally. No. Matter. What. I am there. Just call on me. No questions asked.

-Just. Remember. To. Breath. -

If one has never had or experienced extreme level anxiety, then it would be difficult for one to understand how dehabilitating it can be. It's nearly like a prison within yourself.

I've suffered from anxiety - on a severe level - add depression with the ever-so-frequent panic attack and it's a recipe for a near disaster. Trapped. Inside. Yourself.

Your chest feels like an elephant is sitting on it. You think you can't breath. When my anxiety level begins to rise (and I know when it is because suddenly my heart rate increases, my chest feels tight and heavy and I feel short of breath), I continue to remind myself to "Breath." Breath. In. Deeply. 

Breathing in deep is truly the way we are supposed to breath - not the shallow breaths most of us take. Deep breaths are calming, cleansing, soothing. Deep breaths heal the anxiety. 

Severe anxiety is no laughing matter. It's. Serious. It's scary. One feels helpless at times. Dehabilitating. Very Much So. Because you feel alone...as though no one else is or has gone through this. Many have. And many will. And it's okay to talk about it, share how you feel about it. It's healing as well. 

So next time you feel like the world is closing in on you....stop and remind yourself to "Just. Breath. Breath in Deeply. And Exhale." Before you know it, you will feel better.

Passion + Pain or Passion without Pain?

Today's "food for thought" question is this: I heard this said today and I quote (though not necessarily word for word here) "You can't have passion without pain."

I nearly was quick to disagree but then, I got to thinking. Is this really an untrue statement? Truly, it depends on what situation we apply this statement to.

If we apply this to something we are passionate about doing such as music or art or photography, I can see where the possibility of "pain" could potentially be beneficial. Pain can sometimes be that drive to push harder in your writings,  your art, your music. It can be that initiative to write that new song. Take that new photo. It can also keep you from achieving those dreams, those goals.

Artists are very passionate people. Passion is their driving force behind their creativity. But could pain also be their partner? Some of the most beautiful songs have been written out of pain. Listen to the lyrics. And some of the most beautiful paintings, also the same.

Then there's those things that are simply created out of joy. Passion + Pain? Or Passion without Pain? What do you think?