...True Friendship.

I'd like to start by saying this: True Friendship - and when I say "true," I mean "true," is a rare gem, something that doesn't come often in life.

On one hand nearly, I can count the number of people - outside of my family - that I consider a true friend. Someone I can go to at any time, someone I completely trust with whatever I say. Someone that is there to laugh with me and to cry with me. Someone that continues to stand in my corner....and cheer me on....even when I don't feel like going on. Someone that doesn't tell me what I WANT to hear but what I NEED to hear. Someone who I would trust with my life......there for each other....always no matter what.

Those friends, those real friends, are so hard to find. I love those friends that "get me." They know who I am and what I am thinking, sometimes even before I do. And when you are uncertain of something in that friendship, to be able to talk it out....and make sure each other is okay and on the same page, without being afraid of hurting each others' feelings. Yeah. That's real friendship. 

I am thankful for each of you. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without you.

......Persistence & Patience = Dreams Accomplished.

....When you desire something so desperately? How hard will you work to get it? How many obstacles will you jump through to obtain it?

....Change. Yet. Again. Seems every time something good comes my way.....a door opens, drama surrounds me. Anyone else relate?

Working hard to achieve my dream(s.) Persistence and yeah, patience, as hard as that patience thing is....I have to have it. I want it. Self-employment, freedom. No longer asking "Mother May I?" Or more like, "Supervisor, May I?" Dreams. Passions. Pursuing them. Are you pursuing yours? What would you sacrifice for your dream(s)? Money? Time? Sleep? I am sacrificing a lot of sleep....and free time.

Holding down a nearly full-time job while working nearly every weekend as well to build a business......that's a sacrifice. Staying up late......lack of sleep.....that's a huge (HUGE!) sacrifice on my part. I LOVE sleep!

Building a business takes time. A whole lot of time. Trust me. It takes more than I ever thought I could give. It puts me way outside my comfort zone. But...I want this. Badly.

Can you see your dreams vividly? Do you think about them constantly? (I do.) Can you see yourself achieving your dreams....not necessarily all the hows...but can you see yourself doing it? Dream big.

Dreams aren't just for children. Life is short. Go after them. Whatever they are, no matter how big nor small. Get 'em!

..New Beginnings.

As an Air Force Brat, for the first 18 years of my life, I did nothing but move, on average every four years. As a child, I didn't really appreciate it....I mean who wanted to make new friends with each move. But let me tell you this: With each move and each unpacking, it was like an extra Christmas. Not that you didn't know what was packed when you left.......but opening those boxes...wow! New beginnings! New house. New base! Completely Awesome! Right. Always the excitement, despite not appreciating the lifestyle as a child.

As a BRAT, I find it a challenge to stay in any one location for very long. I find I get bored quite easily. Okay, after a few years, been there done, that...what's next? 

The urge to move, the urge for change is CONSTANTLY within me. Home is where ever I am at. I live for change. I need a change of scenery, a change of employment desperately. I feel so trapped....and I don't know how to get out except to be patient and keep working towards my goal(s.)

Time. Patience. Change. Soon. Impatience. Don't wanna do the same thing anymore. When it's time for change, it's time for change. It's impossible to squash the urge. 

I am ready for new beginnings. Pursuing my passion full time = fulfillment. New scenery would be fantastic as well. But not possible. 

I miss the days of moving around. And as a child/teenager, I promise you I would have never thought I'd say it. It wasn't until I was an adult that I truly grew to appreciate the new beginnings I got every four years or so....give or take a couple of years. It's phenomenal to discover and live in so many places.

Ready for the next new beginning...and trying to be patient for it to come.

Are They Really?

....Sometimes....you may think people are your friends, but they really are not. Not everyone is sincere in their words and actions. Look closely....are they really sincere? You be the judge.

Not everyone's motives and intentions are honest. They may cover it all up with the right words and actions....but it's just a game.

Too many people playing games with each other creates unnecessary hurt and drama and loss of trust. Friendships are taken too lightly.

I put walls up for a long time, as I was tired of the hurt. Tired of the pain. Tired of all the issues that go with any sort of relationship.

Then, I "grew up", moved on, thought I'd try this whole trusting people and friends again. But people have their own motives, their own agendas and can be incredibly manipulative. And for someone like me, who always finds the good in everyone, who trusts and gives too much, it just doesn't seem to work. Maybe I am still a bit naive.

I think I prefer the "walls up" version...so I am putting them back up. Most are going to have to get out. I should have never let some of you in, close to me. Too much hurt. Too much heartache. Not worth either of it. Keeping my true friends close........

Look closely....Listen Closely. You will see who is truly on your team, who truly cares for you, who will truly be there with you. Don't put the blinders on like I have done. Keep your eyes open.

Learning from life's mistakes. Loving myself first.

~Paris~

Oh, dear city of Paris! How easy it is to fall in love with you! The beautiful city of Paris!

{Survivor}

I am reminded tonight of a time in my life when I was nearly completely dependent upon someone else...because I allowed them (unknowingly) to control my every move. Looking back....by right, I should not even be here, alive today to write this blog.

As a young (impressionable) 17-19 year old, with low self-esteem and who'd lived virtually a sheltered life....I knew nothing of domestic violence. Nothing. At. All. As serious as this subject is, shouldn't we be talking about it  more? Shouldn't we educate not only our young women....but the young men as well? 

There are so many forms of domestic violence. Immediately when one thinks of it, the first thing that comes to mind is physical abuse. Certainly, I endured that. On a very daily basis. When you have knife held to your throat....you see your life flash before you. I. Should. NOT. Be. Here. Today. Period. When you are virtually held captive...followed everywhere you go.....you fear for your life, daily. No one should have to live like this. Ever. No One. 

How about the mental and emotional abuse? Yeah, you guessed it. That too. Not ever being good enough...no matter what or how hard you tried....yeah, it sucks. Self-esteem? There. Is. None.

Sexual Abuse. No is No, right? Never to the abuser. 

The list goes on. I was stalked. How about that? Scary feeling, even after you are finally able to leave, to be stalked. What good is a restraining order? I mean seriously? Even the police barely take it seriously. I carried that crumpled up yellow piece of paper with me EVERYWHERE for many, many years. I think I finally gave up on the piece of paper and threw it out. (I'd still recommend getting one with all this being said.) The restraining order does NOT take away the fear.

Time heals. Prayer heals. Sharing- oh my God- sharing and being vulnerable heals. I've cried many tears, asked why many times. Blamed God and everyone else. Seek support, seek counseling. Most of all...Love yourself FIRST before anyone else. 

The trauma I've endured, the pain, the hurt, the anger, the fear....NO ONE should have to go through with that ever. I've been a survivor for 19 years now. Senior in high school, abused by her "ever-so-loving" boyfriend. 

Let's talk more about this, share more about this, cry more about this. Push for more stringent laws and sentences. It. Is. Serious. People - women, men and children- die from this DAILY. Why is it such the taboo subject? 

Wishing you healing, love, and true joy and happiness. You are a survivor. You will heal. You will make it. One day at at time.

~Blog More?! Huh?

So I've been thinking...a lot. Maybe in all my free time, I ought to blog more, yeah. More. Cuz I haven't got anything else to do but blog away.And then I think, if I do blog more, maybe I will get more readers? Huh? Seriously? I doubt it's that easy. Nothing is this fast-paced world of technology is EVER that easy. I mean seriously. What am I thinking? Easy. Yeah. Right.

First off, free time is scarce for me. With all the titles I hold....well, let's just reiterate, I rarely have free time and when i do...I am exhausted. Who has time to think about blogging...and more blogging?

Second off, I haven't got that many exciting things to blog about? Or do I? Hmmmmm......maybe I do. It's all just hidden away and if I could get that free time, I could blog about 'em. 

Yeah. That's it. I'm going to schedule some free time....just to blog. Yeah. Scheduling free time. An interesting concept.....is free time supposed to be scheduled? I mean, doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of it being free (time?) 

Well, whatever. This was one boring post....more exciting stuff to come.